Ang Pagbabalik (The Return of the Comeback -- ano raw?!)

Life has been crazy and weird and well, crazy the past couple of months.

Sprained my ankle, got busy with work, PC got all messed up and got lazy altogether because of the sprained ankle in spite of work especially when the PC got all messed up.

Christmas was so-so. I mean, I'm too poor to do any extravagant Christmas shopping and I'm too lazy to prepare any extra-special Christmas dinner so we just stuck to the basics and bought gifts for the few little ones I actually care about and I few more gifts for the grown-ups I oh-so care about.

My happiest times this holiday season was when my wife spent our anniversary doing some major cleaning and re-arranging in our room and when my big sister and wife spent Christmas evening at Starbucks where we laughed like a bunch of crazy bitches then my best friends came over at 3AM!

Now, I wonder what the new year has in store for me... I'm not exactly crazy about it but I'm looking forward to some new things nonetheless. I mean, I do intend for some changes to take place in the days to come... ;)

Wish List for Christmas 2005

I'm too broke to buy anything for myself this Christmas so creating a wish list is pretty much my way of dealing with the frustration. I sincerely wish Santa gets to read this...

* DVD/VCD copy of Ellen DeGeneres' "Mr. Wrong"
* DVD/VCD copy of Ellen DeGeneres' "If These Walls Could Talk 2" -- our copy is still in VHS!
* DVD/VCD copy of Ellen DeGeneres' "EdTV"
* DVD/CVD copy of Ellen DeGeneres' "The Love Letter" -- our copy is also in VHS!
* Ellen DeGeneres' book, "The Funny Thing Is.."
* Ellen DeGeneres' book, "My Point Is... and I Do Have One"
* The gigantic coffee cup at Starbucks, which has a Php3,500 price tag
* NEO Laptop at PC Express for the low, low price of Php30,000!!!
* A hand mixer so I can start learning how to bake... Want to try Marj's banana cake recipe from high school
* A copy of the book, "A Million Little Pieces" by James Frey... I adore his mother
* This really cheap MMC (256MB) from the ever-famous UP Shopping Center
* Purple Nike sports bra
* Gift certificates to a spa -- good for a full-body massage, hair and scalp treatment, foot spa and facial treatment (malapit ko nang lihain itong fez ko!)
* Gift certificate to a hair salon -- good for some hair treatment that will encourage hair growth and repair my oh-so damaged hair and of course, a nice haircut
* Some not-so-wholesome toys (hehehe!)

That's it for now...

In case you're wondering...

I’ve been extremely busy with a lot of things – mostly with work and some responsibilities at home.

I think what I’m trying to say is… I miss my blog.

Vanity

Vanity, definitely my favorite sin.

                                  --  John Milton – “The Devil’s Advocate” (1997)

People who are known to be very vain either spend a lot of time looking at themselves in the mirror or talking about themselves non-stop in virtually every conversation they engage in.  I, on the other hand, like Googling for my name or nickname.

Believe it or not, I like searching for my name/nickname in search engines just to see what information I can find.  It all began a few months after I graduated from college and I suddenly remembered that I submitted an article to Manila Bulletin and totally forgot about it.  Luckily, the article was still available in their online archive so I was able to download it.  It was already at least a couple of months after it was published.  Since then, I started Googling for my name once in a while just to check if my articles are available somewhere, etc.

Today, I was very pleased because when I keyed in my first name, I found my blog and some of my articles on the first results page – in both Google and Yahoo.  Talk about high page rankings!  Hahaha! =p

What's New

Take the ULTIMATE JELAINEISMS ONLINE QUIZ BY |BadGirl`JeL| to see how well you know me or my blog!  (Or at  least how well you can navigate through it.)  Just click on the link or go to the By The Bitch & Of The Bitch Section.

Friendster Disaster

Don’t get me wrong… I’m all for Friendster.  In fact, Friendster is the only community site where I maintain an account – except for Downelink, of course but that’s only because it’s a specialized group site for the GLBT community.

However, I can’t help but notice that Friendster is becoming more and more of a disappointment over the years.  While Google is getting better and better with their new features and services including Gmail and Google Talk, not to mention their Blogger add-ons, Friendster doesn’t seem very aggressive in terms of improving their basic function – let alone adding new features and services that actually work.

In the earlier stages of Friendster, people have always been complaining about slow download times in spite of having fast internet connections (so just imagine how worse it is for people using dial-up).  But people understood that and took it as it is.  In fact, we even got used to testimonials magically disappearing, friends appearing both in your Pending Requests list and your Friends list, profiles with ZERO friends (you might think the person’s a loser!) or an alert saying you have a Message but when you go to the Inbox, there’s none.  (Just a short anecdote on missing testimonials:  A friend of a friend even posted a bulletin saying, “MY TESTIS ARE GONE!” Incidentally, that friend is a guy so that statement didn’t sound too nice.)  The list could go on and on.  Each and every Friendster member definitely has a story to tell about a system problem or two.  But again, we just got used to it.  

Recently, they finally gave in to what the general public might have been clamoring for for the longest time – profiles that support HTML and CSS codes.  In addition, they even added Friendster Groups, as well as a Who’s Viewed Me feature.  The weirdest thing about it though is they all stopped working!  I don’t know if it’s just me having issues, but my customized profile is not displaying (though I’ve already seen others which seem to be working fine, but they’re very few now), I don’t see any links leading to the groups and even the direct links I have aren’t working anymore and the Who’s Viewed Me feature isn’t available anymore as well.  Well, for this feature, it’s probably because everyone decided to browse anonymously, thus defeating the purpose of the feature all together so maybe they decided to remove it.

Bottom line, if Friendster wants to serve its users better, they don’t really have to be this fully-loaded site that no one can use.  I’m not a big fan of fancy websites.  I’d go for a SIMPLE YET USABLE website anytime.  After all, I love Friendster because of its basic function of connecting people.  Over the past 2 years or so of having a Friendster account, I’ve indeed found A LOT of my friends from as far back as grade school!  How can I complain?!  I just feel that with all the pressure and the new hype about HTML/CSS, audio-video crap, Friendster is compromising their usability.  But you know what? We don’t need those!  How can you want that if there are stupid users who don’t seem to have any background on the color wheel, practically using the same colors for their background and fonts?!?!? LOLZ

Now if you’re thinking of refuting my views by saying “Friendster is free, so don’t complain!” – Well, so are Yahoo! and Google and a lot of other mainstream websites that are free yet usable.  And besides, I bet that these websites get more profits from sponsors/advertisers the more users (as in visitors, not just members) they have.  It’s just like watching free TV, you know.  But if they drive their visitors away, they’d also have to kiss the big bucks goodbye.

Still on Taking Hints...

My big sister and I had some sort of heart-to-heart talk last week regarding doing more stuff and learning new things and taking risks once in a while – all those things that I’m so not good at and oh-so scared to even try.  I use to think that I’m a risk-taker.  Well, I think I am to a certain degree.  I don’t know why, but it seems like I’ve changed a lot since I resigned from The Cube.  I became more negative, got a bit too lazy and started feeling more scared than ever to fail, which might explain the negative vibes and the laziness.  By not doing anything, I could then avoid failure.

My big sister’s bottom line: If I truly like to take a plunge into web design and development, then I have to start somewhere, if possible, start now.  Planning to take a plunge is not good enough.  I have to make my plans more specific or I may never do it.

Yesterday, we dropped by National Bookstore because my big sister needs some supplies.  My wife said she’ll look around for Patricia Cornell books, while I said I’ll just check on some books on web design.  Well, I ended up going through bargain VCD’s and DVD’s.  When I saw my wife, I asked her if she found Trace, the latest book in Cornwell’s Kay Scarpetta series.  She said she didn’t and that all she found was a 2-in-1 book of the first two books in the series among the SALE section.  While she was showing me the book, I looked down a second and noticed a big, hard-bound book with the name Mastering XHTML written across the cover on the lower shelf of the table where the on-sale books are.  I was thrilled.  I grabbed the book to check on the price.  It apparently comes with a CD.  The tag says Php1415.00.  Even if I’m oh-so broke and have been holding on to the very little money I have left, I didn’t care.  I’ve heard of other books at a much expensive price – I can’t let this pass.  I then went to ask a sales lady where the CD is and what the original price was.  The CD is in an inside pocket and the original price was Php3800 – but, believe it or not, the book is STILL on sale at 50% off.  She went to the nearest scanner to check on the price.  The screen said Php709.00.  I can’t believe my eyes.  I thanked the lady like I never thanked anyone before.  It felt like a miracle of some sort.

After the talk I had with my big sister last week, I’ve decided that she’s right and that I should indeed start somewhere, that’s why I began doing some reading online over the weekend.  Now, with the book practically falling on my lap, I knew it was another hint and as I’ve said, I can take hints.  And this is definitely one hint that I’m absolutely thankful for.

Take a Hint

We’ve seen or heard of people asking for “signs” from “God” or “angels” or whatever it is they believe in.  These signs apparently “guide” them in making decisions.  I’m assuming of course that they’re smart or at least sane enough to know when to follow these so-called signs.

But sometimes, I think life is about taking hints.  Whether you’re intentionally looking and waiting for a sign or simply living life one day at a time – taking things as they come, I guess the bottom line is be sensitive – learn to take hints.

A few months ago, my wife and I bought a pack of UNO cards.  That same afternoon, we went out with some friends for coffee.  The cards got soaked in coffee.  My best friend, Stargirl then decided to buy it from us out of courtesy.

Early this week, my wife and I, together with my big sister and another one of my best friends went to this small toy store in a mall.  We were delighted to see a few sets of UNO cards on sale (Php100 off).  They were obviously old because of the rather dirty packaging, but what the heck, it’s just the box.  My big sister got especially excited with the Disney princesses set (which of course have the love of her life, Aladdin), while I got thrilled with the Rugrats set.

Unfortunately, it was a very rainy afternoon and by the time we got home, our street got all flooded that we had to head back and went to the nearest Starbucks instead.  I thought of playing UNO cards to kill time, but my wife reminded me that UNO cards and coffee somehow don’t mix.  We then decided to play a little later.  When “later” came, I carefully opened the packaging, which was a bit different than the typical packaging.  It was only until I took a deck that I realized how different it was.  Horror of horrors!  Apart from being bigger than the usual UNO cards, the entire set only has 36 cards!  It was only then that I read all the other information in the box.  Needless to say, I got teased by everyone the rest of the day, and they still remind me about it once in a while.  The stupid set of Rugruts UNO cards is still in my bag, in its original packaging including the toy store’s plastic – as if it’ll ever turn into a normal set…

Will I ever buy another set of UNO cards?  I don’t know… I don’t think so.  I mean, I can take a hint.  As it turns out, it’s not coffee and UNO cards that don’t mix.  It’s me and UNO cards.

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Or click on the logo to check out ronibat's site.

Videomania

Since the launch of Friendster's new features (profile customization with CSS/HTML, embedded music and videos, etc), I've received a couple of messages asking me for some how-to's on customizing profile elements. It's funny because just a few months ago, I myself was asking people, spending a whole lot of time in Google, looking for tags and codes to beautify my blog and now, my own Friendster profile.

Today, I got a question about putting video in the profile and though I've been seeing a lot of that stuff in Downelink, I never really cared 'cause I know it'll only affect downloading time and stuff. Nonetheless, I did some research for my friends and learned a thing or two about it. Anyway, found the video code for Kelly Clarkson's Since U Been Gone. And since I'm so fond of the talented American Idol, I decided to post it here. (Let's just see if it'll work.)

For more how-to's for your blog or Friendster/Downelink profiles, leave me a message on my handy-dandy tag-board (please leave your email address) or email me at . Though I'm not promising you anything, I'll try my best to help you, ok?

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My bad... Putting a video here is not possible. (1)I've already embedded music. (2)The code is for the entire page, but not for a single posting.

That's ok. I've successfully embedded Meredith Brook's Bitch on my Friendster profile anyway. I'm all good. If you want to watch it and maybe add me as a friend, you may click on the Superfriends thingy I have placed in the sidebar. =)

Ouchy Eye

I have an eye infection on my left eye and it sucks big time.

My condition is called Recurrent Corneal Erosion. This means that the epithelium of my cornea, or at least a portion of it has been sloughed off, exposing the more sensitive parts of my eye. I first had Recurrent Corneal Erosion 3 or 4 years ago and this is the third time I’ve had it. Fortunately, I still have my medication so it’s more tolerable now than it was before.

What I especially hate about this illness is that it keeps me from the things I love doing the most. The first couple of times, the doctor advised me to stay away from using the computer, watching TV and cooking for at least 10 days or until my eye totally heals.

I know it should be no different now… but I can’t afford not using the PC since it’s pretty much my job now. But I guess adversities do bring out the best in people. My wife volunteered to type my articles for me while I dictate them to her. She also adjusted our computer’s settings for vision-impaired users like myself. I truly appreciate all her efforts to help me in spite of my condition… kinda shows me how much she truly cares for me, huh? I know, that’s just sweet… ***love struck sigh***

Oh well, that’s it for now. Need to finish some more articles. =)

Join #TIBOK at Friendster Groups

Calling all Filipino lesbians from all over, especially those from Dalnet #TiBok, the #TiBok Message board and the #TiBOk Mailing list!!! Join us at the #TiBok Friendster Group! Just search for #Tibok at Friendster Groups!!!

Catching Up

A lot has happened to me lately. But for some reason, I’m unable to document them in my blog – too bad. Anyway, I guess it’s never too late. However, since I’m quite busy right now, I can only give a short, quick rundown of what’s been going on. I’ll add more info later on – if I have the time.

* September 7, 2005 – Wednesday night
Nasty ran away. It’s mating season and everyone’s pretty much in heat. But since Nasty is the sexiest in the clowder, she’s the only who can squeeze through the grills of our gate. My wife and I searched for her all over the house for at least an hour… I even went up to the rooftop (It felt as if I was a participant in Fear Factor!). I wasn’t able to sleep as I was so worried about her. The following morning, I was sick and slept the whole day – which is what I always do when I’m depressed.

* September 11, 2005 – Sunday morning
Finally, Nasty was home! I was working late and felt hungry so I went downstairs to grab a sandwich. Before going to the kitchen, I looked out the window to check if Nasty’s back (which we’ve all been doing quite a lot) and again wondered where she could be. While washing my hands, I noticed a slim, white cat walk past Kuya Taba – and I know that it wasn’t DJ. I ran to check if it was Nasty, and it was!!! She was so dirty! Anyway, I fed her and my yaya had to bathe her later that morning. Oh well, I’m so glad she’s back. I just realized that it’s more difficult to have a cat that ran away than have a cat die. With the latter, at least you know it’s over. But with the former, it’s like everyday you’re thinking if she’s still alive, if she’s ok, if she had eaten, where she is when it rains, etc. Since then, I’m ALWAYS checking on her and I’m feeding her an extra meal. Aside from the fact that she’s still a kitten and should therefore be fed four times a day, I’m intentionally fattening her up so she can’t squeeze through the grills anymore!!!

* My wife and I both finished the Adventure Mode of Insaniquarium Deluxe.

* My top score in the Action game of Bejeweled 2 (PDA version) is 1,095,200. Unfortunately, my wife broke it this morning with 1,320,600.

* Friendster now supports html tags!!! Not sure if it works ok, but I’ve embedded my beloved Ellen’s performance in VH1 Diva’s Live. I actually did the same here in my blog, but I’m not sure if it works either. Kindly message me if it does or not. I need to know! Thanks!

* I've added a lot of pictures on my main Friendster account. Check them out if you're bored or sad and need some laughs.

* As I’ve mentioned in my previous post, I’ve been writing about wrinkles and homemade beauty recipes. Anyway, I’ve been trying out the stuff that I’ve learned from my research. My dad thinks I’ve gone totally gaga as he laughed at me with his mocking laugh when he saw me. Can’t blame him – I’ve been known to do a lot of hair and skin care treatments at home including hair relaxing, hot oil and even hair coloring (which turned out to be nasty pink!), not to mention facials and manicures/pedicures. Here are a few pictures of me with goo on my face. If my cyberboss sees this, I bet she’ll laugh at me too! From left to right, that’s a facial mask of banana, honey, milk and Vitamin E; then we have good ol’ mayonnaise; and of course, classic honey!

Well, that’s it for now! Back to work!

F * R * I * E * N * D * S

I’m starting to have wrinkles, thinking of articles to write about wrinkles… How ironic.

It’s a Friday night and here I am, working while my wife and four of my closest friends are playing UNO cards, drinking shots of tequila every now and then.  I don’t really mind… I’m happy as it is.  I’m doing something I love (writing), while I see and hear the people I care about the most having fun.  It’s a shame though that my big sister is not here.  But that’s ok because we talked on the phone this evening (pretty much standard operating procedure for us) and that’s enough for me.

Times like these, how can I complain?  I have a good life.

Freaking Out

I just finished writing an 11-page short story.  It’s not exactly for children but I find the story a bit too shallow for adults.  That’s quite shitty, I know.  Anyway, I just wrote that story to see if it could be good enough for something…

Well, that’s all I could say about it for now as I might jinx it or whatever.  I just need to bitch a little because I’m starting to get really stressed out about it.  This is the first time I’ve ever written a short story “for something.”  Hard to explain, but I hope someone out there gets what I’m saying!!!

Oh well, wish me luck on this!  It’s almost 9AM now and I’m just about to sleep!  My wife is so going to kill me!  In fairness, I just started writing my short story last night.  It’s due tomorrow and I’m glad I finished it ahead of schedule.  Ok, that’s it for now… GOOD LUCK TO ME!!!

Normal

Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for – in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.
                                                              – Ellen Lee DeGeneres

Normal.  For some people, normal may not be as bad as how my beloved Ellen described it, but who are we kidding?  This is pretty much what’s normal for most normal people.

Almost six months ago, I decided that I don’t want to have a normal life anymore – so I resigned from the relatively high-paying job that I had for over three years without any clear plans whatsoever of what’ll I do after.  Well actually, I did have a back-up plan then until the people in my supposed “next job” screwed me.  From there, I started living a destitute life – nearly neck deep in debt with no disposable income to speak of.  In fact, I barely make enough money to cover my regular monthly expenses.

From being a Quality Assurance Analyst, I have become a freelance web content writer.  Weird… I’ve always wanted to write for a living.  When I was in Customer Service, I said over and over that I’d be the happiest person in the world if I can just be a writer by profession.  But now that I am one, I’m having a hard time being happy… I can’t seem to fully enjoy my new-found freedom because of all the other things I lost in the process of being what I’ve always wanted to become.  Sometimes, I want to ask myself if I regret ever leaving but I guess my proud self won’t admit it.  It’s either she’s so in denial, or my writer self is oh-so trying to state her case, convincing my destitute self that it shouldn’t be about money and that everything will be alright – eventually.  With all my “selves” trying to sort out their feelings, rationalizing what’s happening and what will happen next, I am then left with, well, one confused self…  Go figure.

Oh well, at the end of the day, I think I’m still more thankful that I have left “the normal life” behind to pursue that one thing I’ve always wanted to become.  Had I not taken the risk, to this day, I might still be asking myself “what if?” and “what could’ve been?”  At least I know now and wouldn’t have to ask.  (Unless I go entirely crazy and start asking myself the “what if?” and that “what could’ve been?” had I not left!)  I guess I just have to make the most out of what I have now… Just write whatever I can, do everything I can to better my craft, hope for the best, and create my own version of a normal life – |BadGirl`JeL| style.

And now, inspired by my beloved Ellen’s quote, comes Jelaineism #7:

Reality is leaving that stressful and shitty job you used to have, which provides you the lifestyle you now cannot afford and thus, miss – making you feel all stressed and shitty.  Once it sets in, you realize… Reality does bite – hard and in the ass.
                                                                – Jelaine Macaraeg

|BadGirl`JeL| Recommends: Google Talk & Blogger for Word

Google has done it again... two new applications to enhance our cyberlifestyle. Try them out today! =)

Some Stuff from Pata

Here are a few fun stuff I got from Pata's blog... well actually, I just got the diploma. Anyway, just visit Go-quiz.com to get your own Blogging University Diploma, Warning Label, Acronym, Road Sign and Personality Cocktail. Please note, however, that I tweaked on a few tags to make my stuff more personalized and interesting. Enjoy!!! =)

MY BLOGGING UNIVERSITY DIPLOMA

The University of Blogging Presents to |BadGirl`JeL| An Honorary Bachelor of Whingeing Majoring in Non Sequiturs Signed Dr. GoQuiz.com ®

MY WARNING LABEL

|BadGirl`JeL| is poisonous! Induce vomiting if ingested.

N POISON

BADGIRLJEL ACRONYM

B	Beautiful -- wushu!
A	Altruistic -- really?!
D	Dirty -- hmmm... kinky!
G	Good -- or should I say, Great or maybe Gay is more appropriate
I	Innocent -- huh?! Seriously...
R	Relaxing -- as in zzzZZZZ?
L	Lovable -- aaaaaawwwww!!!
J	Joyful -- lemme think about this one...
E	Eccentric -- so true!
L	Lovable -- again?! How about, Lazy... hehehe!

MY ROAD SIGN

|BadGirl`JeL| Highway Loony-Bin Lane 6 Study Hall 17 Family Farm 33 Paintown 163 Contentment Meadows 383 Please Drive Carefully

MY PERSONALITY COCKTAIL

How to make a |BadGirl`JeL|

Ingredients: 1 part mercy 3 parts silliness 3 parts leadership

Method: Stir together in a glass tumbler with a salted rim. Add sadness to taste! Do not overindulge!

The Integrity of "Ugly"

Here's an inspiring story that my best friend, Gem sent to me. Hope everyone learns from it.

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The Integrity of "Ugly"
(A story of True Pureness in Spirit)
-- Author Unknown


Everyone in the apartment complex knew who "Ugly" was. Ugly was the resident tomcat that loved three things in this world: fighting, eating garbage, and, shall we say, love. The combination of these things, combined with a life spent outside, had their effect on Ugly.

To start, Ugly had only one eye. And, where the other eye should have been, a gaping hole. He was also missing his ear on the same side. His left foot appeared to have been badly broken at one time, and had healed at an unnatural angle, making him look like he was always turning the corner. His tail had long ago been lost, leaving only the smallest stub, which he would constantly jerk and twitch.

Ugly would have been a dark gray tabby, striped-type, except for the sores covering his head, neck, even his shoulders, with thick, yellowing scabs. Every time someone saw Ugly, there was the same reaction. "That's one UGLY cat!! " All the children were warned not to touch him. The adults threw rocks at him, hosed him down, squirted him when he tried to come in their homes, or shut his paws in the door when he would not leave. Ugly always had the same reaction. If you turned the hose on him, he would stand there, getting soaked until you gave up and quit. If you threw things at him, he would curl his lanky body around your feet in forgiveness.

Whenever he spied children, he would come running, meowing frantically. He would bump his head against their hands, begging for their love. If you ever picked him up, he would immediately begin suckling on your shirt, earrings, or whatever he could reach or find.

One day, Ugly shared his love with the neighbor's huskies. They did not respond kindly, and Ugly was badly mauled. From my apartment I could hear his screams, and I tried to rush to his aid. By the time I got to where he was laying, it was apparent Ugly's sad life was almost at an end. Ugly laid in a wet circle, his back legs and lower back twisted grossly out of shape, a gaping tear in the white strip of fur that ran down his front.

As I picked him up and tried to carry him home, I could hear him wheezing and gasping, and could feel him struggling. It must be hurting him terribly, I thought. Then I felt a familiar tugging, sucking sensation on my ear. Ugly, in so much pain, suffering, and obviously dying, was trying to suckle my ear. I pulled him closer to me, and he bumped the palm of my hand with his head, then he turned his one golden eye towards me, and I could hear the distinct sound of purring. Even in the greatest of pain, that ugly, battled-scarred cat was asking only for a little affection, perhaps some compassion. At that moment I thought Ugly was the most beautiful, loving creature I had ever seen.

Never once did he try to bite or scratch me, or even try to get away from me, or struggle in any way. Ugly just looked up at me, completely trusting in me to relieve his pain. But he died in my arms before I could even get inside. I sat down and held him for a long time afterwards, thinking about how one scarred, deformed little stray could so alter my opinion about what it means to have true pureness of spirit, to love so totally and truly.

Ugly taught me more about giving and compassion than a thousand books, lectures, or talk show specials ever could, and for that I will always be thankful. Ugly had been scarred on the outside, but I was scarred on the inside, and it was time for me to move on and learn to love truly and deeply. To give my total to those I cared for. Many people want to be richer, more successful, well liked, and beautiful. But for me, I will always try to be "Ugly."

When Was The Last Time You Did Something For The First Time?

Everytime I see Emirates' TV ad on doing something for the first time, I always wonder afterwards when I'll have that kind of experience again. Fortunately, I did experience something new last weekend – I spent the weekend at Richmonde Hotel for no special reason other than a voucher that has to be used before it expires. What made it special though, is the fact that I shared the experience with the love of my life and two of my bestest friends, Orange and Star. But it got even more exciting when we decided to go bowling – my honey's first ever – and my “sort of” first time in at least two years. It was extra-fantastic when I got a couple of spares and even a strike.

The entire weekend was really special. My wife and I had a little “spa moment” in our hotel room while Orange and Star were sleeping, after which we all had dinner at Italianni’s, where I had my favorites – Fried Calamari and Smoked Salmon Pizza with Dill Cream Sauce. We played Uno (the card game) until 2AM (Orange and Star were so sleepy by that time), then my wife taught me a couple of card games until 4AM. In spite of only having 4 hours of sleep, I was up and ready to invade the breakfast buffet by 8AM and though I didn’t especially enjoyed breakfast (‘cause they didn’t have bacon), I was generally fine. When we checked out at 12NN, I was kind of surprised to find myself having that “vacation feeling,” which I only expected to feel on an out-of-town/out-of-the-country trip. It might have been our new living arrangement that made me feel that I do need a break away from home, not to mention some alone time as a couple.

Today, my wife and I are still a bit sick. But I can say that my weekend getaway helped me feel better and more prepared to get through this new week ahead.

|BadGirl`Poetry| – The Carmela Collection

Please be reminded that all these are MY original works (thus, the byline) and that plagiarism is a crime.

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RITUAL
By Jelaine Macaraeg

I touch her face
And stare deep into her loving eyes
I stroke her hair
And kiss her forehead
Then stare into her eyes again
I run a finger or two down her cheek
And she smiles at me
I just stare into her eyes again
She asks me what I am thinking
And I kiss her soft lips
And then I tell her, “I love you forever.”
But then because there is no forever,
I’ll just love her until I could keep her
And I’ll do this ritual over and over
And just love her until I could keep her…


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THE CLICHÉ OF FALLING
By Jelaine Macaraeg

She came into my life without a warning
It was as if I just woke up from a long, deep slumber
And when I opened my eyes, she was already there
She broke the silence of my heart,
and the stillness of its beating
She interrupted my thoughts
For a while there I was lost
And I just have to ask myself,
“What am I thinking?”
She has indeed caught me off guard
She took my breath away
and swept me off my feet
She made me hear magical bells
and see sparks and fireworks all over
I’ve read and heard of these experiences before
But it was only now that I found them to be true
Now I know why they are called clichés
For they are real and true
‘Cause when you meet that special someone
You’ll never really know…
But they could just happen to you too…


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FOREVER STARTS NOW
By Jelaine Macaraeg

What is forever?
A second
A minute
An hour
A day
A week
A month
A year
A decade
A century
A lifetime
What is forever?
Everytime I glance at her while she eats
Everytime I watch her sleep at night
Everytime she smiles at me when our eyes meet
Everytime she cracks a joke
Everytime she laughs with me
Everytime she listens to my story
Everytime she tells me how her day was
Everytime we make future plans over coffee
Everytime she says, “I love you.”
That is forever
for me.


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WAVELENGTHS
By Jelaine Macaraeg

How many people do you meet everyday
who likes the same things as you do,
thinks the way you do,
and speaks the same language as you?

How many people have you met recently
whose sentences you can finish,
whose thoughts you can explain,
and whose feelings you can draw out from them?

How many people can you love in a lifetime
whose concept of love matches yours,
thinks of relationships the same way you do,
and can love as much as you do?

How many people are as lucky as I am
to have met someone like her?
To have loved and be loved by a woman
who is of the same wavelength as I am…


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PAIN
By Jelaine Macaraeg

She shuts me out.
She wants me out.
She doesn’t hear me out.
I wait and wait.
Subside now, hate.
Before it’s all too late.
Pain and Rejection.
Such strong emotions.
Such stinging sensations.
I cry and cry.
And then I sigh.
Still all my pain inside…


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A TRIP TO THE MOON
By Jelaine Macaraeg

My honey sent me to the moon for free
Without a plane, nor craft, nor wings
And there was I, up in the heavens
With all its glory for me to see…

My honey sent me to the moon for free
How wonderful the Earth looks from here
With all the planets and the stars in Milkyway
Running wild and playing with me…

My honey sent me to the moon for free
And as I go back to Earth I see
And awe at the beauty of the skies and the sea
And touch the clouds so soft beneath…

My honey sent me to the moon for free
And as I close my eyes and feel her inside me
What a heavenly feeling it is for me
My honey, she just made love to me…


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MONDAYS
By Jelaine Macaraeg

The clock says six
I open my eyes and there she is
Sleeping
I wake her up with a kiss
She open her eyes and there she is
Smiling
Morning rituals
Sharing breakfast as usual
Waiting while she’s bathing
Watching her dress up
Seven thirty
Time to leave
Work is waiting
I send her off
With “I love you” and a kiss
And as I go back into our room
I catch the scent of her perfume
I smile
The emotion is overwhelming
I can never be so grateful for this life
She’s my reason for opening my eyes
This beautiful Monday morning…


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INSATIABLE DESIRES
By Jelaine Macaraeg

More than hands touching
More than lips kissing
More than two bodies feeling each other’s warmth
Sweet and special
Our souls making vows of immortal love and unspoken promises
Our hearts defining forever in present time;
The here and the now, while sharing the coldness of the night
Reaching out and holding tight
Not wanting to ever let go
We’re both giving to and wanting each other
Giving more and wanting more
Insatiable desire…
That’s what it is
An insatiable desire to have and to hold
More than just now, but forever…
It’s our love defined at last;
Well-expressed by our bodies and our souls
Understood by our hearts and our minds…
Our insatiable desires…


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PROLOGUE TO LOVE
By Jelaine Macaraeg

Coming to and from a hopeless situation
A heroine comes to save me
Releasing me from years of self-delusion
Melting away my chain of desperation
Enlightened, I took my heroine’s hand
Leaving the darkness of anguish behind
“At last, I’m free!” I proudly said
And I was never the same again…
Love then came quite unexpectedly
Charming and sweet, I fell for my heroine
And as I was reaching out for her, I held her tight
“Nothing can stop me now,” I cried
Taking her hand, I then decided
Another love and life has started
Risky as it was, I took a chance
And I was never the same ever again…


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STUBBORN
By Jelaine Macaraeg

Bad Girl meets Control Freak
Making a big deal
Out of the littlest things
Do’s and Don’ts
Choking me
Still, I end up following
Who is right?
Who is wrong?
One wanting to change the other
The other resisting to be changed
Who is hardheaded?
Who is stubborn?
Maybe she is
Maybe I am
Then again,
Maybe we’re both…


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My Life

When people ask you to say something about yourself, where do you start? This has always been my problem. Sometimes, I'm torn between saying the things I think they're expecting to hear from me and saying the things that matter most to me. But then, that is yet another problem. What matters most to me?

I just turned 25. And quite frankly, I've been under a lot of stress since the beginning of the year. I think this is what they call quarter-life crisis. To start off, I resigned from my relatively stable and high-paying job to pursue my greatest passion. Then there's the need to adjust to a new living arrangement and coping with financial issues. I sometimes feel that way too much is happening to me all at the same time -- maybe too much than what I can handle. I don't know. Eveytime somebody asks me how my life is, my standard answer is that I'm happy with a lot of stuff, pissed with a lot of stuff -- that I don't know which outweighs which. But hey, does it really matter?

A friend of mine recently contacted me because of some heart problems, and a total stranger who chanced upon my blog did the same thing. I've always loved giving unsolicited advices. More often than not, I'm a major bitch when it comes to giving advices, but I guess that's just my way of showing people how life happens. Life can't always be peachy. In fact, maybe life is indeed a bitch. It's up to us how we'll make the most out of it.

Sharing myself to other people through my bitchiness somehow made me realize that maybe there's a reason why I am the way I am. Funny, but maybe being |BadGirl`JeL| is my way of contributing to the world. After all, if not for bitches like me, the good, kind-hearted people out there wouldn't be recognized as such. Plus, don't get me wrong, I am not entirely evil... I'm just "not very nice." Those are two entirely different things.

My Feline Siblings

I'm an only child. I don't remember ever asking for a baby sister or a baby brother when I was a kid. Now that I'm a grown-up, I sometimes wish that I have someone to either spoil me or for me to bully around. Well, I got friends and a girlfriend for that. Hehehe! Seriously though, I grew up having our "pet cats" as part of the family. For me, they are my cute, cuddly siblings and I love each and every one of them. Over the years, many have come and passed away. But at this point, here are the ones who are making my days extra happy and filled with love.

ATE JULES

Birthday: July 1, 1997
Ate Jules is sweet, gentle and has natural maternal instincts. She's the caregiver among the clowder but can get very jealous. She's my Dad's favorite and he used to spoil her a lot

KUYA TABA

Birthday: March 2, 1998
Kuya Taba is my baby. Originally named Fridge, he has a penchant for running to the fridge everytime someone opens the fridge door. He's VERY VERY big. A lot of people are scared of him because he almost looks like a dog. But really, he's a gentle giant. In fact, he doesn't fight back even if the girls are pretty rough on him. He loves being cuddled like a baby and even sucks his thumb like a baby. He's also very smart and knows how to utilize his big paws.

DJ

Birthday: May 12, 1998
DJ is my princess. She's stubborn, bitchy BUT loves attention a lot. She loves being touched and cuddled and she reciprocates your affection by giving you a massage. She has a cute, sexy voice that fits her svelte figure.

OJ

Birthday: January 23, 1999
OJ is the primadonna. She's always grooming herself and doesn't like getting dirty. She's well-behaved and meows in a very soft voice. She's also picky when it comes to food -- and my Mom spoils her a lot on that area. She's shy though and gets scared when there are people she doesn't know.

CHUBBY

Birthday: August 13, 1999
Chubby has always been the "crowd favorite." People like her because she's bansot... she's so cute and cuddly. Ironically, she doesn't like being cuddled. She's pretty much a loner and can even be bitchy at times. But she definitely loves having her picture taken!

SHAMMY

Birthday: August 13, 1999
Believed to be Chubby's twin, Shammy is equally anti-social. There was a time when she only hangs out with Chubby and OJ. She's generally a loner and doesn't like being cuddled. Just the same, she enjoys the ocassional attention and massages. And by the way, she's a messy eater.

NASTY

Birthday: September 23, 2004
Nasty, just like DJ has a slender built, making her look very majestic like the royal cats of Ancient Egypt. She's very playful and likes being cuddled. She's also very friendly... befriending other kittens in the neighborhood (they chit-chat a lot!) and even invites her over!

HAMSTER

Birthday: June 24, 2005
Hamster is the latest addition to the family. He was only a few days old when we got him and he has grown a lot since then! He's very sweet and cuddly. He doesn't like being left alone or he suffers from separation anxiety. The entire family, including my friends are oh-so spoiling him.

|BadGirl`JeL|'s Playhaus Photography

Playhaus Photography is a technique I use to take pictures of regular-sized objects (and later on, people) and making them look small. All pictures were taken using my handy-dandy Nokia 6600 camera-phone. Please note that they weren't done in Photoshop. At most, I just made some brightness/contrast adjustments, but the entire concept is manually done and thus take a lot of trial-and-error for a picture to be perfectly produced. Even so, I'm sure you'd still see some flaws in my work. ENJOY!

The Fan: The picture that started it all

The Calendar: Timing is everything -- plus a little wind power.

|BadGirl`JeL| Recommends: Fun Stuff for the Bored and Crazy

I must be the geekiest person you know... Imagine, I spend a lot of time -- and I really mean A LOT of time surfing the net then I spend some more time telling about the fun stuff I discovered through Friendster, the #Tibok Message Board, and via emails.

Oh well, my intentions are good. I just want people to have as much fun as I did when I discovered these crazy stuff online, whether by chance or through other friends. So, enough talk... Let the fun begin!

Soapbox

A short film about making short films by ELLEN DEGENERES

Gender Bending Male Celebrities using Adobe Photoshop

Are you sure your significant other loves you? Hope this doesn't happen to you... (Audio only)

Presenting... Einstein the Bird!

My Blog

I spent the whole day today virtually editing my blog template. By the time I was done, I feel this sense of pride for having created something -- as if I just started my blog. Then I realized how geeky I am! Like, can I do anything else? What the heck! It's my day, my blog. Hehehe!

Seriously, this new look is way better than the original template. It's not boring yet not too busy in spite of the occasional images and signautes here and there.

But of course, this new look wouldn't be possible without the help of my good friend, Jayce who inspired me to do all these without even knowing it, and for teaching me some tips and tricks on protecting my content. Thanks so much, Jayce!

Oh well, my day is done... time for me to get back to work!

Because I Love Jayce...

I rarely answer this type of "test." But since it came from Jayce and it does look like fun, I'm posting it here as requested.

1) Three names you go by:
-Jel
-Jelainey
-Lainy

2) Three Screen Names you’ve had:
-|BadGirl`JeL| -- my handle/IRC nick sine circa 2000
-coffee_addict -- my handle/IRC nick when I first became a DalNet chatter circa 1999
-PJ Alcantara -- Pen name I used in Palanca. Since na-lost s'ya, ibig sabihin siguro sya'y jinx

3) Three physical things you like about yourself
-My eyes -- Malandi kasi
-My teeth -- Mejo maganda naman sila. At higit sa lahat, TUNAY
-My lips -- Very expressive

4) Three physical things you don’t like about yourself
-My skin -- The ultimate curse
-My hips -- Can they get any wider?!
-My hair -- High maintenance

5) Three parts of your heritage
Huh?! NEXT!!!

6) Three things that scare you
-Snakes
-Scary movies -- I'm starting to imagine... Shit!
-Death of a loved-one -- the thought of it

7) Three of your everyday essentials
-The TV specifically cable
-My gadgets -- as in mobile phones and my beloved PDA-Keyboard combo
-Coffee or tea

8) Three of your favorite musical artists
-Bo Bice
-Beyonce Knowles
-Madonna

9) Three of your favorite songs
-For my wife -- "No Ordinary Love" by Jennifer Love Hewitt
-"Count on You" -- Theme song with my Dad. We used to sing that together when I was a little girl while my Dad plays the guitar
-"Yue Liang Dai Biao Wo De Xin" or "The Moon Represents My Heart" -- A Mandarin song my wife and I learned from a movie. It's not really my favorite but I love learning and memorizing it, most especially singing it to my wife before she sleeps.

10) Three things you want in a relationship
-Being so certain she's the one forever
-Being each other's partner, sister, mother, teacher, best friend, worst enemy, biggest fan and greatest critic all rolled into one
-Loving one's soul instead of loving bits of the person

11) Three lies and truths in no particular order

Lies:
-The best things in life are free.
-First love never dies.
-There is such a thing as clean and honest politics.

Truths:
-Honesty is the best policy.
-You can have more than one best friend.
-There is such a thing as karma.

12) Three things in the opposite sex that appeal to you:
Not really applicable but I'll answer anyway...
-Bad boyish look but neat
-Smells fresh and clean (parang toilet)
-Smart conversationalist with a fantastic sense of humor

13) Three of your favorite hobbies
-Watching TV -- I'm a certified couch potato!
-Surfing the net -- I love learning new things -- useful or otherwise
-Spending time with the people I care about

14) Three things you want to do now really badly
-Study MA or simply get Educ units
-Study an IT course
-Establish my own business, preferably ous mushroom specialty restaurant

15) Three careers you are considering/considered getting into
-Writing essays for my book or at least for magazines
-Being a chef
-Teaching

16) Three places you want to go to for a vacation
-Singapore
-Hongkong Disneyland
-US -- California to see Ellen de Generes and dine at Wolfgang Puck's restaurant in Beverly Hills or Chicago to see Oprah Winfrey

17) Three kids’ names you like
My wife and I came up these baby names around 2001 or 2002:
-Mijel Anthony
-Purple Joan (as in, Jown not Jo-an)
-Jelliebean Leigh

18) Three things you want to do before you die
-Write a book
-Travel
-See Ellen de Generes -- I don't mind dying in laughter while watching her show, Oprah Winfrey, William Petersen, and Wolfgang Puck... does this mean, I'd live forever???

19) Three ways you are stereotypically a boy
-I hate fickle-minded ladies.
-I eat realllllllllyyyyyy fast and in huge servings.
-I love women -- well, that makes me obviously lesbian.

20) Three ways you are stereotypically a girl
-I love talking things out -- even if entails fighting and almost killing each other -- to settle any problem, rather than keeping mum about it in the hopes that the problem will go ***poof**!
-I cry a lot when watching movies.
-I love girly stuff a lot!

21)Three people you’d want to see take this quiz
My bestfriend, Gem
My Wife, Millie
My Ate May

Independence Day

Manila, Philippines. Independence Day 2005. I spent the day with my girlfriend (no, not my female friend, but a woman who happens to be my significant other) and my older sister (with whom I'm not related with, but consider to be a big sister nonetheless) in Starbucks. Nothing unusual. In fact, we enjoy having such days – just hanging around talking about anything and everything under sun. Then suddenly, I just blurted it out – "I love being fat." From there, my motor mouth went on non-stop. I explained how I can't let go of the "fat lifestyle." I am not being a hypocrite of any sort. Seriously though, aside from the fact that I miss wearing the slutty clothes I'm used to wearing way back God-knows-how-long ago, there's barely anything else that I miss now that I've grown a lot bigger. I've been fat ever since I was a kid. But back then, I was just chubby – now, oh my gawd! I AM FAT.

Then my big sister started telling me that maybe I don't really need a total lifestyle overhaul. Maybe we just need to tweak into certain aspects of it – like less food intake and moving more. But to follow a certain diet, she explained I even eat healthier than she does. I also explained that I don't want to be unhealthy forever -- it's just that I'm not ready to let go of the lifestyle that goes with it just yet. Maybe I'll start when I'm 30. Then I decided, maybe I'll start when I'm 25. I'll be 25 in exactly 2 months.

From there, we started talking about me getting a new job that would go with my work-from-home job as a freelance web content writer. I finally admitted to my wife that ever since I resigned from my 3-year job as a Quality Assurance Analyst in a call center, I've been wondering what else I can do and even suspect that I've started to have lower self-esteem! Thank God for my wife, she encouraged me to look for other jobs that's entirely different from quality, not in a call center, may not involve writing just so I'll figure out what else I can do and where else I'm good at. If it doesn't work out, resign and find something else again. My big sister then remembered about our plan from a couple of years back about setting up a food business that's all about mushrooms. She told me that she has a friend who incidentally grows mushrooms and could thus be our supplier. She drafted a short, very informal marketing plan and reminded me that most important thing of all is for me to set a deadline for myself – to at least have mini, short-term goals. That way, I wouldn't be wasting any time and would slowly but surely move forward.

When it was time to go home, I realized that it has been some sort of a personal independence day for me. I figured, sometimes, we need to free ourselves from ourselves. I didn't want to tell others that I'm okay with all my adipose glory for fear that I might be judged as someone who make lousy choices, or that my fear of getting into a new career might be mistaken for being a slacker and that I'm just not trying hard enough. I then realized that I needed help resolving these issues but the problem was, I have been censoring myself non-stop. I try to resolve them on my own, not knowing that the mere fact that I don't want to talk about them is tantamount to not facing it at all.

Independence Day 2005 – the day I started to free myself. But as in all forms of freedom, I know I'm not yet there. I still have to put everything into action and when I've reached my goals, only then will I feel totally free…

June 13, 2005; Holiday Monday
Starbucks Araneta

In fairness...

In fairness, my life ain't that bad. I may be broke but I always have something to be thankful for. I've been spending a lot of time with my best friends, especially my Ate May. Even the love of my life is always free!!! We've been watching a whole lot of Mandarin movies and Six Feet Under DVDs together. I'm so happy!

Today, I also received an email from my former officemate. Things are not going well there (as usual) but just the same, hearing something so familiar is oh-so comforting especially when you're in a rut and in the verge of wallowing in self-doubt.

Oh well, I guess I should learn to pay attention more... to simply look around me instead of beyond.

Life is good. My life is good. Thank God for my friends, my family and my wife. =)

My Stuff

My wife and I recently moved out our apartment, where we lived for 3 years. Now, we're living in my family's house (more of my house, if you'd ask me! Hehehe! I'm such a bitch!) where we relatively have more organized storage. But for some reason, we never have enough storage space for my stuff! I have a lot! And I really mean A LOT!!!

My big sister, Ate May keeps on telling me I'm such a pack rat. I have way too much stuff that can actually be disposed of, but I never do. Well, I guess I'm too sentimental. As I always say, I'm Ms. Long-term Everything. I'm into long-term relationships, my friends now are my friends since forever, and the stuff I actually use i.e. clothes, shoes, bags gets really old before I replace them. Worse, I pretty much keep everything my friends give me -- even a simple note written in tissue!

Honestly, I wish I can change that about myself. I wish I could be a little less sentimal -- just like my dad and my wife. Makes spring cleaning and moving in/out a lot easier.

But just the same, I have a number of stuff I call My Most Priced Possessions. These are stuff that are not really expensive nor important in terms of function, but I just can't let go of for whatever reason. Here's a really quick list of those stuff:

* My POG collection. During the late 90's, Coca-Cola had a promo for POG caps. They had 24 designs, all of which I was able to collect. I want to have them framed. For me, it was an achievement.
* Speaking of achievement, I love my Starbucks rocket tumbler -- imagine, 58 fraps in 62 days. Apart from being well, expensive, it reminds me of all the friends I was able to hang-out with because of that promo.
* VCD collection of Mandarin movies + DVD collection of Seasons 1 and 2 of Six Feet under. These are among our recent acquisitions. My wifey bought them from HK when she went there this month for a business trip. We were so thrilled to actually own original VCDs of movies done by our favorite HK superstars -- the likes of Karen Mok, the late Anita Mui, Stephen Chow, Sammi Cheng and Cecilia Cheung.
* School projects. I have a thing for collecting my school projects. They remind me of my younger self, groupworks remind me of old friends, papers remind me of how hardworking I was -- having to use our ancient manual typewriter. Even if my grades aren't always impressive, I'm always proud of my works even as a child.
* Letters from friends. As I've said, I'm very sentimental. I love reminiscing the good ol' days. Makes me even happier to know most of them are still very involved in my present life.
* Cat Collection. No, I don't collect cats -- I collect cat stuff. I'm crazy about cats!!! I love my feline siblings soooooo much!!!

Well, that's it for now! Have nothing else to say! Heehee!

Nininuninu... What to do, What to do...

I've been wondering... I've been thinking of writing a short story... I already have at last three plots in mind but I'm having a hard time deciding which language to use. I think I'm comfortable enough to write in English. But I feel that I'm able to express more emotions in Tagalog. Writing in English might make all my characters sound alike. With Tagalog, I can be kikay, bading, perhaps even astig. However, I'm a lot more sarcastic and bitchy when I write in English... Haaayyyy... what to do, what to do...

Happiness -- Warning: I'm in "random thoughts" mode!

Things that made me happy recently:
Constantine Maroulis is out of American Idol.
So is Scott Savol, who got a major case of airheadness all of a sudden to the point of sheer "whatthefuckness"?
Survivor jerk Rob and Survivor winner Amber didn't win in Amazing Race 7.
Uchenna and Joyce did. Well deserved.
My best friends visited me today -- err, yesterday.
I was able to talk to another one of my close friends the other day after a few months of being busy with our lives.

My entry got published in a Bo Bice blog.

I ate pizza and mojos yesterday. YUMMY!

Things that pissed me off recently:
Average Joe winner wasn't an average Joe -- kinda defeats the title, don't you think?
Meredith and Gretchen got eliminated from the Amazing Race 7.
My work. Same o' same o'!
11-hr power interruption last Monday, May 9th from 9PM to 8AM. I now have rashes all over my body -- ITCHY!!!
My old cable company is screwing me up.
I'm dead broke with tons of IOUs to my name.

Etcetera
I miss my baby, who's currently in HK for a business trip.
My older sister is going crazy over an ex -- again. I wish she gets over it ASAP.
I feel bad that I'm not able to write for myself as much.
I wish I can "design" some stuff for #lezvillage.
I'm tired. Have to sleep. Have to work again later.

Lotsanewthingzzzz!!!

Oh my gawd!!! We've finally done it! We've finally setup our effing PC!!!

Lotsa new things going on with me and my honey.

We're out of our humble abode-slash-lovenest and we're now at "my house. Gawd! Moving in is ssssooooo tiring! Lots of stuff to clean, organize, sort... AAAARRRRGHHHH!!! It's driving us nuts! But it's fun!

Will keep "you" posted... that is, as soon as I find the time to write something longer!

Gotta get back to work!!! =)

Challenge for the day: Writing Travel Articles

I'm a semi-bum. Semi because I already have a 3-month trial contract with a company, but just the same, I don't earn as much as I did and well, it's just a trial period. At this point, I'm trying to get into as much companies as possible so I can stick with having a home-based job.

I just finished an article about buying art -- very interesting and educational. But the real challenge I'm facing right now is writing a travel article. I was thinking, I don't think it's the genre I find difflicult but my topic. You see, I need to write about my hometown. About the usual stuff you'd typically find in a travel article -- places to go, things to do, etc. I've lived in Pasig all my life -- on the outermost portion of it. Sad to say, I've spent my entire life "living" in other parts of the metro. I studied and worked in Quezon City, my fun leisure places are Quezon City, Makati, Mandaluyong and even Cainta, and the one place I'm truly fond of and wish to be a citizen of is Marikina City. Not to diss my supposed hometown, but I guess I'm just not a Pasigueño by heart. In fact, there are a lot of places in Pasig, which I've never heard of, morever gone to! Sad to say, I need to do tons of research about Pasig! Oh man! What to do, what to do...

I'm seriously thinking of not submitting the article -- tantamount to withdrawing my application and screwing up my chances of having additional income... but I know that's really impractical and totally stupid.

Oh well, gotta get back to work. :(

Funny Things Around Me

Have you ever experienced going somewhere through public transport then you saw some interesting stuff in the street -- so interesting that you wish you have a digital camera to capture them?

Well, this morning, I went to the only barangay hall I know -- it's not necessarily the nearest one in my area, but I'm the kind of person who's more comfortable with something familiar over something well, practical. So anyway, on my way there, I was on a jeep and I saw this gotohan. The sign says GOTOHAN, ATBP. OPEN 24HRS... but when I looked at the actual store, it's closed.... Hmmmm... Is it me, or...?

Then while I was on the tricycle... I like riding at the back of the driver, by the way... I saw this guy -- a dirty ice cream vendor -- peeing on the wall. When I looked at the writings across his ice cream cart, it reads SANITARY. Yeah, right...

Lastly, I was on my way to KFC with my wife and my big sister, May, when we saw a policeman looking through the goods of a "stall" selling pirated CDs. And trust me, he looks nothing like raiding the store or arresting the vendor. We were even thinking he might be buying porn for his horny self.

Oh well, ONLI IN DA PILIPINS!

Updates

I just realized that I post too much about the things I bitch about... things that makes me sad... but never about the things that happen afterwards. So, where do I start?

Well, I'm no longer pissed with my phone... I was able to get in touch with the Nokia Helpdesk where a rep assisted me via phone in troubleshooting the problem. As it turns out, there has been a conflict with my mRouter... probably because I use the same USB port for Bluetooth and the HotSync cable of my PDA. Everything's back to normal with my phone.

About my supposed job... well, they totally screwed me up. After the "job offer" meeting with "the boss" here in Manila (he's from CA), they totally ignored me... my immediate supervisor even had the gall to login in YM in invisible mode -- like I wouldn't figure it out -- and as of the last meeting, which was Tuesday, 12MN MLA time, "the boss" talked as if nothing happened... he said there was no position ever offered... Whatever. Anyway, I withdrew my application and told him how unprofessional they were in handling these matters... but then I was polite enough to say "Thank you for your time" GAG ME

So there, I've been having a hard time sleeping night after night... I can't believe they screwed me like that! Oh well, I belive in karma... So there... oh and of course, that makes me a professional bum... As such, I've been very busy submitting my samples and other application documents to different Web Content companies. My mission is to find a home-based writing job... a good-paying one... and of course, one that will not screw me up!

So far, I've landed a 3-month trial contract with one company, which I feel is very good -- not to mention, I'm dealing with Filipinos. I'm hopeful that things will get better from here.

I've also been working out like hell... I vow to lose a portion of my adipose tissue by the 25th anniversary of my existence. I've been playing badminton, lifting weights, doing some "so-so" yoga and has significantly reduced my food intake. And mind you, I'm eating healthier too. Can you imagine that's even possible?! Well, welcome to my TWILIGHT ZONE!

So there... that's it for now. Everything else seems normal. I'm still madly in love with the same woman for the past 4 years and some months, We've been staying at my parents' house during weekends -- frying our brains with the CATMANIA 1000-pc Jigzaw puzzle I've had for years. Oh well, we've been doing it for the past couple of weekends and intend to finish it this weekend. I've been watching a whole lot of TV as usual (a lot of CSI and American Idol) and I'm still madly in love with the same woman for the past 4 years and some months... So there!

'Till next time!

Damn-sel in Deep-stress

I've always described myself as a person with an extreme personality. As long as you're sincere with me -- though not necessarily nice -- I'd also be nice to you. I might even be your best friend. But regardless if you're being all nice and sweet to me, but really it's all a put on and you're nothing but a certified plastic -- forget it -- I swear, you wouldn't like the side of me that you'll see.

But now, I feel that I'm in a major crossroad. I feel happy and unhappy at the same time; both content and ungrateful about my life.

It all started with my job. I describe it as "a shift in priorities." I felt that I was already in a dead-end job. There's nowhere else for me to go. I've tried the other departments and I'm most happy where I'm at; yet I don't have plans of going any further up the organizational ladder. Salary-wise, it pays the rent. But trust me, it's not anywhere competitive. The people are the best colleagues you can find and they're the only thing that I miss. But the job itself has gone boring and I hate everything about the schedule -- it's shifting, I may not be available during weekends and holidays, etc. After over three years, all these drove me to burnt-outville, so I finally decided to leave.

Right before I left, I found a couple of jobs, which I thought were a dream come true. But I guess both weren't really for me. The first one wouldn't have fitted my employment schedule and the other one kinda screwed me up. So now, I'm officially a bum. I've long wanted to experience this employment freedom -- but it's weird how awful it feels when you have it. I guess it doesn't fly when you're independent and you have bills to pay and you've somehow gotten used to a certain kind of lifestyle.

After three years of living a fairy-tale life with my own princess charming, we're now pondering upon the possibility of leaving our own castle and going back to my parents' abode. The stress being brought forth by this matter is quite unbelievable. Weighing the pros and cons alone can be very confusing, let alone having to come up with one final decision.

What to do, what to do... I'm all tired and confused and stressed and scared and unhappy. Yet at the same time, I feel blessed and happy and thankful that I at least have my wonderful, wonderful wife to share all these stress and confusion with. I feel lucky that we don't argue about it and look at it as a task we have to accomplish together as a team. I am grateful that I have a supportive wife who believes in me and has faith in what I can do, lifting me up in spite of out common dilemma. I just love her.

But at the end of the day, I still feel stuck... because the truth is, I am. I am stuck with this decision we have to make... the responsibilities that will never ever go away.

What to do, what to do... Someone please help us...

Feeling bad

I'm in a rut right now. Something tells me that a lot of major changes are coming my way. Change is fine... but I'm not really sure if I'm ready enough for them. Times like these, I feel awful being all grown-up and wish that I'm a kid again. ***Sigh***

P.S.
I wish my Ate May is here right now... ='(

Thinking

I'm back in my house and still alone. My wife is in Laguna for a swimming thing with her family. I just got back from my parents' house, where I'm supposed to stay until tomorrow afternoon but my wife wasn't able to return the gazillion VCDs we rented at Video City and the penalty would've cost me a new VCD if I wait til I get home tomorrow.

Well, it's almost 2AM so that makes it Sunday already. Whatever... I got everything screwed up as usual... with the time, I mean.

Now, I have a question... how driven are you? Sometimes, I find myself dreaming a lot... dreaming of really big stuff... but then again, it kinda takes me forever to actually get off my ass to actually get anything done. I guess I'm just a professional dreamer... 'cause that's all I'm good at.

A friend once told me that there was this seminar of some sort that she went to about procrastination. The speaker said that a lot of people procrastinate to avoid failure and to have an excuse in case of a failure. This is apparently most true for those who tend to be perfectionists, or simply finds it difficult to accept failure.

I guess it's very true for me. I mean, why set yourself up for disappointment?! Maybe that's the reason why I never got around to start a story... because i'm afraid not to finish it. Or why I never really tried going to school for an MA... because I'm afraid to fail. Oh well... I'm so pathetic.

Someday, I hope to gain more confidence... Someday, I wish to be a dreamer and a doer as well... Someday...

PISSED TO THE 6600th POWER

I’m sooooooo pissed right now. Last year, my girlfriend applied for a Globe post-paid line, leaving us with an extra pre-paid SIM, which I decided to swap for an AMP SIM. It was then that I discovered that my phone, a N6600 unit – at least it’s lock code – doesn’t work anymore. I swear, I’ve used the most sensible, no-brainer codes I would’ve used but nothing seems to work. The same thing happened with me with an older phone, a N5110i, when the security code stopped working but when we had it unlocked, it revealed the exact same security code we were trying to use. With the N6600, I needed the effing lock code to unlock the feature called “Lock when SIM card changed.” To date, it only recognizes the two SIM cards I’ve been using.

Late last year, my Dad also got another Globe post-paid line, leaving us with an extra post-paid line of a lower plan. Considering that I (both lines are under my name) received a rebate of Php10K for one whole year, and buying pre-paid has become such a hassle, not to mention expensive for me, I decided to keep the older line and maybe downgrade it to an even lower plan by next year. However, because of the issue with the effing lock code, I’m so stuck. Globe even tried to help me already but we found ourselves in major catch 22 – resetting the phone will restore factory settings, but to reset the effing phone, I would need the effing lock code!

So there – I’m stuck and apparently, my phone needs a software upgrade. I then went to the nearest Semicon location in my area, but since they would have to send it to their main office, I would have to leave my phone with them for 3 to 5 days. That won’t work for me, so they referred me to their Megamall branch, where I can apparently wait for my unit. One weekday after work, I then went to Megamall to have my effing phone fixed – but alas! Since it’s already 5PM, I would also have to leave my phone and get it the next day since they need 2-3hrs to fix it – still doesn’t work for me. Also, I was advised that both the phone and the memory card needed to be upgraded so I would have to back them up both. Since no one told me about this, I backed up my phone by storing everything on my memory card. That’s just peachy.

I decided to wait ‘till weekend then. But hey, I’ve got other plans… plus, I got really sick (still sick now, actually) so I was only able to bring my phone to Semicon Megamall yesterday. Prepared – meaning, backed up both phone and memory card, already in Megamall when they opened at 10AM – I was hopeful that everything will be fixed yesterday. After 3hrs, I went back for my phone. The unit itself has been successfully upgraded but they have issues with my memory card. Apparently, it’s locked. I can’t figure out the effing password at that time so they referred me to the mobile shops in Cyberzone, where they can apparently unlock and reformat my memory card. When I got there though, they can’t do it either… I might need to leave my memory card for a day – nah, wouldn’t do that. After a few minutes and a flight down the escalator, I miraculously unlocked my memory card and went back to the shop to have it reformatted. After 5mins and a hundred and fifty bucks, it was done and I was just so eager to finish my remaining errands so I can go home in time for American Idol and restore everything in my phone using the Nokia PC Suite.

As of press time, which is 3AM, I’ve been sitting here in front of my effing PC for 3hrs now and guess what, I can’t get my effing phone connected to the suite. I was able to pair the phone with the PC but that’s it. Ironically, the Help feature of the PC Suite wasn’t able to help me at all. I figured I have to do my own troubleshooting. I’ve even uninstalled and reinstalled the effing PC suite on my PC, but still, nada.

Since I’m able to pair the two Bluetooth devices, I figured that connection is not the problem. But just to make sure, I decided to send a picture from my phone to the PC and vise versa. Guess what – everytime I try doing the first one, my phone hangs! Nothing seems to happen when I try doing the second one. So again, I’m stuck… and pissed… rrrrreeeeaaaaallllyyyy pissed. I mean, my phone’s problem now is far worse than what the problem was in the beginning!!! GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

If I’m not able to resolve this today, I don’t know what else I’ll do if it means another trip to Megamall and another 500 bucks!!!

Diary of a Bad Girl

How forgiving are you?

Once upon a time, there was a pathetic bitch who lied about who she really is and where she came from. She invented all those horrible stories wherein she's always the victim and everyone else are bad people who wanted to hurt her. One day, she left. But in spite of her absence, she went on spinning stories to create chaos and endanger the people she once loved and once called her "friend."

One day, everyone learned of her secret. Everyone found out about her nasty lies and discovered the truth. But by then, she was gone...

Several years later, here I am, still hating her. I have longed vow to hunt her down and make her pay for the lies and deception -- but how? Or better yet, why? What for? Everybody else seem to have forgotten and went on with their lives... everyone except for me.

Where will I go from here?

How forgiving am I?

Of Beginnings and Endings

I recently wrote an article/open letter of the same title in relation to my resignation, which officially starts tomorrow.

|BadGirl`JeL| is QA Jelaine no more. As always, I'm in another roller coaster ride of emotions.

March 2nd, one of my favorite teachers and our department head in college passed away. It was only then that I was finally able to define my feelings. As I suspected, I don't know how to handle grief over death. I was so stressed out that entire week, getting those nasty pains in my tummy like when I have gastritis and was especially stressed out on the day I planned to go to her wake. I wasn't able to go due to some conflict in skeds, but I don't know... somehow, I felt relieved and decided to grieve on my own at home.

This week, I felt both happy and sad about my resignation. Happy because it's my last week, but sad because it's sinking in that I'm leaving my friends in the office. To make matters worse, I got sick with my usual allergy/asthma when the weather changes so I wasn't able to come in for three days and missed my friends' wedding! =(

And of course, I feel nervous knowing that I'll be starting on my new job in a couple of weeks max. Wow! A new job. I still can't believe I have one. I thought I'd be forever stuck in the cube -- not that it's a totally bad thing. It's just that I know there's something better out there, for me.

So there. Here I am. Trying so hard to get ready for another roller coaster ride... wherever it'll take me this time. Wish me luck!

I'm alive... well, kinda

Hi! I'm semi-back. It's been a while since I've posted anything on my blog. I feel guilty abt it considering I'm still able to write emails and stuff to people. Anyway, I'm still waiting for March 31st to come... so I'm officially out of the cube. I've also started with my new job on a part-time basis as a web writer for a graphic design resource site. It's cool, but it's tough because I rely on research -- as in - so I can write. Otherwise, I'm totally clueless abt my topics. But it's nice because I get to learn something new everyday. I'm required to submit 3 articles everyday, Mon-Fri. My deadline is at 11PM -- pretty tough because my regular ofc shift is 8AM-5PM. Whew! Go figure!

But just the same, I'm happy because I at least have a social life -- thanks to my Ate May who always have time for me! I miss my other friends though... a lot of them are busy as well. I'm so looking forward to Sunday's party (house blessing)... hopefully, I'll be able to see more of my friends from ancient past!

Gtg! Have tons more to monitor!!!

Whatever

Could it be that I'm too easy to hurt, leave and be replaced?
Could it be that I'll never earn the respect of the one person I expect to respect me the most?
Could it be that I'm not allowed to show my emotions and if I ever do, it means more pain for me?
Whatever
Just getting all these shit out of the way.