crowded

have i been cursed? why do i need to suffer such fate? i only wish to be able to express my thoughts... to relieve myself of the agony of being repressed.  why does this have to happen each time?
 
everyday and every night... thoughts flood my brain.  rushing and racing so fast that even i cannot seem to keep up with it.  i long to have the luxury of time to be able to sit down and write and let all my thoughts flow freely out of my already crowded little head.  but when i do get the chance, this happens...
 
 i would find myself sitting in front of my computer, eager to do a hundred and one things but write! i hate myself! why do i have to let these chances pass? what if they never come again?  why waste such good opportunity to let go? maybe because in reality, i don't want to.  maybe because im afraid to lose these thoughts... maybe because im afraid that they'renot valid... maybe because i feel guilty for even having them.
 
but if i don't learn to let go, when will i ever heal? when will i ever recognize my pain?