Random Blah of the Day: Rejection

Topic courtesy of Oscar dela Hopia

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Several years ago, I wrote one of my most bitter 'Jelaineisms' that says:

"The problem with choices is when you're one of the options and you didn't get picked."

It's human nature. We like having options. We feel as if it's our God-given right to be able to have our say on things, or at least have something to choose from. We feel violated when we're "forced" into embracing something like it's being shoved down our throats. Well, that's fine. As I've said -- it's human nature. However, try being on the other side of the buffet table and it's an entirely different story.

Oh yeah... I'm talking about rejection. When it comes to being "one of the choices," different people react differently. Some get into combat mode -- all out and fierce, it has to be ME. Some, on the other hand, allow their insecurities to eat them alive and just throw in the towel before the fight even starts. Either way, one may assume that both reaction is because of fear of rejection. When we talk about rejection, we often think about how we handle it. However, I think our feelings towards rejection in general affects the way we handle various situations so we wouldn't have to bother actually facing it.

Looking back at my own experiences, my fear of rejection may have kept me from a lot of things. How can you blame me? I'm probably a poster child for "Most likely to be rejected." I'm a minority in a minority. I'm Filipino, I'm a woman, I'm lesbian, and I'm fat. Though I'm not that insecure to say that I'm ugly, let's face it, I'm no head-turner either. This might explain why, aside from Millie a.k.a. PiNkR0b0T, I have a rather short list of exes with a population of 1 and why I never did any sort of dating, flirting, courting, more so have any flings. In school, I chose not to audition for the theatre or the glee club because I was too shy. I felt that there are ten other students who are better than me. Even in my professional life now, I hate applying for promotions. I prefer waiting for "opportunities" to open up, like a transfer or a special assignment. If I ever apply, I need to be certain that my chances of getting it are high and that I'm as prepared as prepared can be. Otherwise, nah, I'm happy where I'm at. Though some people may disagree, I don't do well in interviews. I have issues about selling myself and all that stuff. But yeah, whatever I say, I think it's all because I'm scared of being rejected at the end of the day. LOL

Hmmm... Sometimes I wonder how my life would've been different if I didn't care about being rejected. Nonetheless, I have no regrets. I am what I am because of all the experiences I had and missed. In that respect, rejection probably even helped me to be more cautious, content and probably even encouraged me to learn to make up for what I lack. So I guess rejection isn't such a bad thing after all! LOL