In Denial... No More

She's one of my earliest best friends. We've known each other since 6th grade. We weren't always there for eah other when we were kids but a lot has changed as we grew older. Our friendship is one that is tested by major fights, time and distance. We've endured all those trials... or maybe it was just me who kept the faith, I don't know.

Each time she has a problem... she messed up, she's screwed up, she'd call me for help. I was there to just listen and to snap her out of her insanity. I always try my best to be available when these times come for I know I'm the only one she trusts this much.

But when things are well, she wouldn't call... wouldn't text... not even a hi or hello. She forgot my birthday... for the past two years... and now, seem to have forgotten me this Christmas.

I used to deny that this is what she does. I refused to believe that she only remembers me when she needs me, but I guess it's all true. That's what she does... just like now. It pains me so much to accept this truth. A part of me, I know, still resists to accept it to be true. I don't know... But I guess with the New Year coming in, I owe it to myself to keep things real and not lie to myself anymore. I don't want to cover up for her anymore. Maybe she's busy... maybe she's out of town... maybe she doesn't have phone credits... I really don't know...

She's still my best friend... I would still be here when she needs me... But this time, I want myself to accept the fact that she hurts me... Sometimes I wonder, does she know how much I care? Someday, I hope she realizes that I need her too... Maybe even more than she ever needed me... That I want her to check on me sometimes... that a simple "hi" would make a difference... Oh well, she's still my best friend... Nothing can change that, I guess. Only now, I am in denial... no more...