IRC

insecure bitches
losers, assholes
letting their fingers do the talking
asl
brb
afk
this is the language that they know
sending pictures via dcc
some are not even their own
connecting with people
halfway across the globe
thousands of miles away
from the corner of a café
isolated from the rest of the world
how ironic
hot babes
cool hunks
sending virtual roses and other stuff
yeah right
and he cannot even get a date in real life
while she’s way too young to drive
how pathetic
just the same, this is the world they’d rather be in
where they can all be whatever they want to be
hot and desirable
smart and cool
no laws, no rules
just a virtual kick in the ass
but you can go back again
and keep on pretending
escape from the reality
of being a nobody
and just be somebody
who, in reality
doesn’t even exist…


August 17, 2001

SACRIFICES AND COMPROMISES

Thank God for bloggers! Here's another article I found in my hard disk... finally, I found a place for them to be well, "published"

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How much are you willing to sacrifice in a relationship? Does being married mean totally losing yourself, blurring that already blurred line that defines who you are and what you want to be? What if your significant other doesn't seem willing to compromise? Will you give in or would you give up? Isn't it that sacrifices as well as compromises should be done by both parties and not only by the one who is deemed "the understanding one"? I know there's nothing wrong about being ambitious... For wanting more than what is considerably enough... But is it too much to ask to take baby steps instead... Small, slow but steady baby steps to get to whatever that ultimate goal is? And wouldn't it be better if those baby steps are taken together instead of alone?

All these questions have been crowding my head the whole week now – playing in a loop almost 24/7. You see, I have been in the colorful-slash-chaotic world of relationships for the last six years of my 23-year existence. I wouldn’t say I know a lot about it since I have only been in a total of two relationships. I don’t know… Maybe it’s because I’m a late bloomer, getting into my first relationship at age 17 or I’m just plain undesirable. But I sure am glad (and proud) that I have hit the jackpot on only my second shot. Yes, lucky for me, I found My Forever three years ago and I could say that my search is over. However, the irony of living a real-life fairy tale is that it truly bites. For a relationship to really have a decent “Happy Ending”, there are a lot of witches and curses the couple has to overcome and win over. And the sad thing about it is that sometimes, it is in the couple’s effort to build a beautiful future together that all these villains come to life. Worst of all, these monsters are not even the people around us. They are actually within us – borne out of our fears and insecurities.

As I approach my mid-twenties and my significant other being on it, we have been seriously thinking about doubling our efforts to save up and be able to do the things we’ve always wanted. We’re both from an average Filipino family in terms of social status. We don’t have parents who can back us up in starting our own business or can give us a car and a house under our names as graduation gifts. In short, if we want to make it big, we have to work hard for it. So from there, wacky ideas started to come up – from working on a cruise ship to migrating to Canada, all of which of course, have their own sets of pros and cons. Say for instance, working on a cruise ship means being away from each other for at least a year, while migrating to Canada entails a lot of resources, processes and preparation. And this is where the complication begins. I personally can only go a week tops without my significant other. I don’t care how much money I’ll be missing, but I just want us together in our cozy, little apartment, enjoying the usual things we do as a couple. Call me impractical, but that’s me. But then, isn’t that being selfish of me since it means keeping the other person from doing what she feels she has to do for herself? I don’t know… that’s pretty much the reason why I’ve been having all those questions in my head!

As I go on thinking about all these, I realized that in such situations, there are no right or wrong answers, nor right or wrong decisions. As long as both parties are willing to make their own share of sacrifices and compromises, everything would be just fine and there would be no regrets. The key is to decide as a couple – make it “you and me against the world” instead of “you and me against each other.” I’ve always believed that any kind of relationship is built on respect – respect for oneself, for the other person and for the relationship. If you have that, there’s no room for selfishness. In moments of weakness, guilt will definitely get you. Maybe we just need to make sacrifices in order to compromise, as much as we have to compromise to make the sacrifice all worth it.

Until now, our plans are still a bit blurry but it’s ok. I guess its all part of growing old as a couple. And besides, I know for a fact that as long as I have My Forever with me, nothing – not even a witch or a curse nor a monster – can ruin our very own version of a “Happy Ending”…

My Beloved Feline Siblings

Here's to my beloved feline siblings, whom I miss terribly...

once, i was a kid...

and i looked like this...



such innocent look, don't you think? don't be deceived... actually, the story behind this photo is one proof of how naughty i was at such an early age!

see that wall behind me? i was actually peeling the paint off that wall when my mom came in to take my picture! that's why i looked kind of surprised -- much like a "i didn't do nothing!" smile! and take note, that wasn't even our house! hehehe!

oh well, those were the days... when peeling paint off other people's walls was called, well... fun! :)

missing them

life is hard. sometimes, being optimistic can be challenging. though you have a lot of things to be happy about, life's everyday stress just makes it hard to put on a smile 24/7.

before, when i get all stressed, all i need to do was play with my adorable feline siblings and voila! im recharged! if my fave cat, kuya is in the mood, he would even sleep beside me and i have an instant heater during cold, rainy nights.

now that im living on my own with my wife, i can't help but miss my feline siblings... ate jules, kuya taba, DJ, OJ, shammy and chubby and of course, jin. i miss their own unique personalities and the different games i used to play with each of them.

oh well, i guess this is what they call growing up, huh? im independent, almost married and well, free but i sure am missing a lot at the same time.

good thing, i found this picture online that reminded me of the good times i had with my feline siblings...



i only wish that even though i don't get to see them much, they know how much i miss and love all of them... and that in their own feline way, they sometimes miss and think of me too... and hopefully, i can find a way to post all their pictures here for all the world to see my beautiful feline siblings...

Life begins at 21

Found this entry in my journal... it's something I wrote almost 3yrs ago... it was in August 4th 2001 to be exact. It's weird how we somehow grow sensitive to life changes when our birthday's just around the corner. Oh well, I guess that's exactly the reason why I suddenly remembered to post this in my blogger... I'd be 24 in less than two months...

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I’ll be turning 21 in nine days. Scary… I wonder how it's like when you’re 21… By that time, you really are a grown-up and you can no longer apologize for your immaturity and tell people it’s borne out of your youth.

At 21, I suppose people don’t merely hope or wish but plan and try to make things happen. And when they plan, there’s always a Plan A and Plan B or sometimes even a Plan C. It’s because time won’t wait for them anymore to think and come up with a back-up plan. You have to be prepared for anything… ALWAYS.

At 21, I suppose people live on the fast lane – a kind of life wherein you should always be on your toes, otherwise the world would leave you and you’ll just find yourself lost and dumbfounded, not knowing what hit you.

At 21, I suppose you're not allowed to ask for whatever it is that you like. It's either you make it happen and get it yourself, or deal with the fact that you can't have everything you want.
When you fall in love at 21, I suppose there's no room for immaturity. You may not always be serious, but just the same, you should be grown-up enough to take all the consequences of your actions.

If you commit a mistake at 21, you don't just apologize -- you really make up for it. And you don't apologize because you think it's polite, but because you understand what you've said or done wrong and so you SINCERELY apologize.

Well, I suppose being 21 is weird altogether. Some people may argue that it is at 18 marks one's transition from youth to adulthood, or that 21 is still a young age. Well, maybe… but for me, I guess being 21 is that point in our lives wherein we really take life more seriously. It marks our entry to "the real word" -- and signifies the beginning of our "real life."

I'll be turning 21 in nine days. Scary… but just the same, I'm excited. I'm eager to embrace whatever life I'll have as 21-year-old. I am most importantly thankful to live to see that morning when I'll be turning 21. I may not exactly be ready, but just the same, I guess I can go through with it and then after a year, I'll just smile and look back as I remember how it was when I was 21…

home

wish im home right now, in the arms of the love of my life...
wish im in bed right now, dreaming of her and with her in my deep slumber...
wish it's weekend once again... so we could have fun with no hesitations...
no work, no worries, no nothing...
just me and the love of my life...
home

FRIENDTEST

how well do you know me?

Take the uLtimate |BadGirl`JeL| quiztionnaire to find out!

afterwards, you may also create your own friendtest... you know, much like as a payback! hehehe!

bored

ever wonder why people get bored?
is there such a thing as being "boring"?

i don't believe so. sometimes, i think people just get tired of stuff. like it all boils down to preference. you can be with someone who has the greatest stories to tell, and has experienced the most unbelievable adventures, yet you find yourself bored with him or her. simply put, you're not interested with that person's tales and you just don't care about anything.

now, i think im bored... hmmm... maybe because it's 12:40AM and im at work instead of home, watching tv with my wife. im writing this blog, which i can't say is a thing boring to do. in fact, i find this interesting. i can't say im alone or im in the company of losers and geeks, for im in a roomful of people and im with my good friends... yet, im bored.

see? i guess it all boils down to preference. at this time, id rather be somewhere else and not here.

by morning, i'll be going home... will that end my boredom fit? maybe... i don't know... by then, id be home alone, all tired and sleepy, with my wife at work... would i rather be in the office? no! i don't believe so... but id rather be doing something else. would that make me bored? i don't believe so... i guess you can't just be "bored" or "not bored"... it's more of "being bored" and "being something else", but not neccesarily "not bored"...

am i still making sense?! maybe this whole bored thing is making me senseless... but then again, who says what is sensible and what's not? hmmm... i guess this calls for another article...

WOW! I am green!

You are green. Perhaps one of the most balanced of
all the colors. By balanced, I mean balanced
in both bad and good parts. Let me elaborate:
You're a natural, and somewhat superficial
person. You're extremely generous, but, to add
to the confusion, you're frugal and stingy.
You're a forgiving, but jealous person. You're
imaginative, but still logical. At sometimes,
you're a complete neat-freak, and other times,
you're a total slob. You're very stable, but
undependable. But onto the other traits that
are associated with this color... You're a
stubborn person, simply put. Do you believe in
Feng Shui? Green is closely related to the
thought of having a balanced environment, you
know. When in a bad situation, you're
painfully pessimistic, and when you're in a
good situation, you're extremely optimistic. A
fairly outgoing and amused person, you enjoy
talking to people, and hearing their thoughts
on different things. As a plus, when people
hang around you, it seems like time passes by
all the more quickly.


What color are you? (Amazingly detailed & accurate--with pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla

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How about you? What color are you? DO THE QUIZ AND FIND OUT!!!

it's a sad day today

due to recent events, things have taken on a weirdish and twisted turn.

one thing leading to another, everything just started to get crazy.

now, work has become one hell of a melodramatic soap opera for me. i personally can't wait as to what will happen next -- whether it's good or bad or just plain so-so.

Why???!!!

heard some bad news today... it isn't really bad, bad if you know what i mean... but it ain't good... i don't like it and i feel bad abt it.

hell, another resignation wave has dawned over me... and for some reason, i think it really hit me this time.

oh well... i don't know what will happen next. i don't know what i'll do next. sometimes, things happen and for some reason they just change you.

Wish

iv always wished that i could study my MA and then teach college... but work got so hectic and life has just gone expensive that studying further stopped being an option or even part of a future plan.

iv longed wished to be able to write and get published and be called a writer by profession. but again, work got way too toxic that i barely have enough time to really sit down and think and write. thanks to msg board in community sites that i never run out of a venue to vent. but hell... that ain't writing for me especially if the things i get to write abt are about real people wih real problem. i know i have a lot of stories to tell and other stuff to share... they're all in here... waiting to be expressed.

iv also known that my other place is in the kitchen. iv always loved cooking... experimenting with the weirdest ingredients. iv never gotten used to cooking classic receipes that women have handed down from generation to generation... from great-grandmother to their daughters and their daughter's daughter. my receipes often leave people asking, what is this??? because they sometimes look unfamiliar or when you ask what the ingredients are, you might ask, "can you possibly put those things together???"

cooking has always become my outlet. another way for me to vent deending on my emotion. i like cooking when im happy as i get to share my joys to others, the same way that i share a good meal. i like cooking when im sad as it makes me forget my pain and make me remember the good things in life. i cook when im tired and stressed because cooking for me is much like therapy... it makes me realize tht sometimes, hardwork does pay-off in the end. just like how cooking can be so tedious yet so rewarding when you find yourself later on, all filled up and smiling... and you see others just as full and just as smiling.

now, iv come to a point where i want to share these feelings to others. i want to cook and feed people and make them smile once they're full. my girlfriend and i have long been planning to have our own business but we aren't much of rich kids with a lot of extra money some place. we're just a couple of young urban professionals, struggling through real life each and everyday, trying to get away unscathed from an endless list of bills and expenses of our rather commercial and materialistic world. now, we've come up with yet another fantastic idea and i can just feel this ball of fire burning in my stomach... as if it's telling me, "this can work and this right... this is what you've been wanting... go for it!" yet it also tells me, "how will you pull this off? no money, no background, no nothing! this ain't gonna work!"

but i want to make this work... i want it to really happen... i want to see this pull through... we will make this work...

geez... hope this ain't another one of my wishes that'll just go down the drain or up in smokes... hope this one does come true...

weirdo...

why do total strangers keep on sending invites to be added as a "friend" in community sites???

i know community sites are geared towards meeting new people but hello???!!! what's the point of having complete strangers on your acct when you know zit abt them and don't really give a shit abt them in real life???

just a thought...

Welcome to |BlogGirl`JeL|

hi! this is my first ever blog post... this is really something new for me, so basically, im just trying everything out. honestly, i don't know what im doing, so pls bear with me! =)

oh well, hope someone out there would be willing to exchange some thoughts and ideas with me... =)

see ya somewhere... wherever!!!

|BadGirl`JeL|