Goodbye, Bernard

It's so easy for us to joke about life and death.

When we finally see someone who has gone AWOL from our lives for some time, we say "O, buhay ka pa pala." with a hint of sarcasm. When things get tough and we feel like enough is enough, it's so easy to say, "Hay nako, patayin n'yo na lang ako!" in resignation.

Some months ago, when I ask my co-worker Bernard how he was, we would normally tell me, "Eto, buhay pa." And for Bernard, that is not a joke.

For the past year, Bernard battled with cancer and won... Or so we thought. Yesterday morning, Al Bernard Barrozo passed away. For some reason, I felt cheated.

Bernard is, well, was popular in the office. He's a tall, loud man with lots of friends. He's friendly and very easy to talk to. Everyone was so shocked when we first learned he had cancer. Everything happened so fast... from some mouth sores, they started announcing that he needs blood donors. I never really knew what his condition was but they said it's a rare form of blood cancer. He grew thin and weak. We thought that was it.

After a few months, he came back to work. He was also back to being his funny self with a smile for everyone he meets. I was proud of him. As much as he was thankful that he's still alive, he lived his life with hopes of having a future. He wanted to do well to get promoted, even wanted to get married and start a family. I liked that. I thought that was very brave of him.

Some time in June, he started losing his voice and always had tonsilitis. He also told me about swollen lymph nodes and a biopsy. I knew that wasn't good, but as always, I was hopeful. Until one day, my partner and I just noticed that he hasn't been around and that he's on LOA again. Yesterday morning, it happened.

In the next few days, his VB family will be visiting him. No, not in a hospital just like before, but in a place where we'll see him for the last time and say our goodbyes.

I'm glad to have known him. I'm honored to have learned something from him about life and death. Yes, life is precious and it can go by so fast. But death, no matter how close you come to it, should not kill you and your future until it actually does. Live, dream, love and hope. It ain't over until it's really over.

Goodbye, Bernard. Your VB family will never forget you.

I need a gadget fun

I've been feeling awfully strange lately. I can't seem to stop thinking about spending the disposable income i do not have. Sometimes, i want something. Other times, i want EVERY-FUCKING-THING. I'm having a serious attack of the latter. Will i buy a laptop? Will i get a Neo or an Asus or something more expensive? Will i buy an ipod or a psp or a wii or a bigger tv? It's driving me insane! If only i can get hold of extra cash, if only i can stop being a responsible adult... Haaay, irritating!!!

I need a gadget fun

I've been feeling awfully strange lately. I can't seem to stop thinking about spending the disposable income i do not have. Sometimes, i want something. Other times, i want EVERY-FUCKING-THING. I'm having a serious attack of the latter. Will i buy a laptop? Will i get a Neo or an Asus or something more expensive? Will i buy an ipod or a psp or a wii or a bigger tv? It's driving me insane! If only i can get hold of extra cash, if only i can stop being a responsible adult... Haaay, irritating!!!

It's A Minute World After All

Since the dawn of Friendster, MySpace, Multiply and Facebook, we have become more and more aware as to how small the world really is. In fact, it no longer surprise us to learn that someone we know from childhood is in fact related to our new group of friends as an adult. Six degrees of separation has become an everyday concept that we barely give shit about it.

One boring day, I recent conversation that revealed this concept was playing in my head. I thought, yeah, it's such a small world... Who would've thought, right?. But what amazes is that normally, this thing, this "oh my god, it's such a small world" revelation happens with people you're not really that close with. But I was a bit surprised when I realized that there are way too many relationship trails between my partner and myself, considering that we barely have anything in common in our past. I figured, we're really meant for each other! That's not sweet... that's creepy! Hahahaha! Anyway, here are the connections that we've discovered throughout the years:

1. Millie has a high school friend, who turned out to be one of my best friend's cousin
2. Millie has a college classmate who turned out to be a cousin of one of my best friend's cousin (from the other side of the family)
3. Millie has a basketball teammate whose ex-girlfriend was also an ex-girlfriend of one of my best friends
4. Millie has a high school batchmate who turned out to be my colleague's ex-girlfriend
5. Millie has a high school batchmate who has a little brother with whom I worked with in my former company together with his ex-girlfriend, who now has a baby, which turned out to be fathered by our officemate
6. Millie has a high school friend whose ex-boyfriend was also an ex-boyfriend of my former officemate
7. My former boss turned out to be Millie's batchmate in college -- same course
   

I think what made these connections remarkable is the fact that we don't have any school in common, we weren't even of the same age and we're geographically far apart from each other until we became a couple!

Seriously, we must be really made for each other! Hahahaha!

Introducing: South Park Jel and Jel Simpson

This is me complaining... you know, standard bitching and swearing about nothing and no one in particular.

This is me smiling oh-so sweetly but don't be deceived. There's a lot more going on inside my head than what my smile is telling...

Oh my gawd! Jel Simpson is so fucking chunky, she almost looks a bit too butch!!! I bet she would've appeared in the episode, "There Something About Marrying" where Homer served as minister to wed a gay couple and one of Marge's sister came out as a lezzy! Crazy!!! Hahahaha! =)

"Falling Apart" by Tracie Thoms

Falling Apart
Tracie Thoms

So this is it
This is the end I suppose
We were barely getting started
Beginning once again
Who knows, we might have had a shot
A lot of lovers have it worse
We made a start
Now we're falling apart

So many words
So much to say
But how do you give yourself away?
Why would I want to force you to stay?
But maybe today's a different day...

How much I lose,
I guess it depends on how much I am willing to give.
What do you want?
What do you need, Tracie?
You better think about it.

Look at us now
Falling apart
Slipping away
Wasting the moment-
now the moment is gone
So do we move on,
Or will we repeat our same mistakes?

What will it take?
How will I know?
Where do you turn when all your bridges crash and burn?
Something we had
Mixed up and tossed aside.
I cried the final tear I will cry.
Losing my nerve-
Losing the sleep I need to keep from running away.
What do you want?
Where are you going, Tracie?
You gotta know

So take a look at you now.
Falling apart -
Slipping away-
Wasting the moment the moment-
now the moment is gone.
So go with your head or go with your heart-
Pull it together girl you're falling apart.
Pull it together girl you're falling apart.

Friday the 13th

Today, well, yesterday, was Friday the 13th. Once again, it proved to be my day. I slept well the night before, things went well in the office, I had drinks with new friends, got in touch with old-time friends, had coffee with my best friend, and now I'm having a late dinner with my honey. Perfect! Ü