Tagaytay

Over the weekend, my QA family including my wife went to Tagaytay. We had a blast just chillin', singing, drinking and of course, watching TV! All the meals were great! From lunch at Leslie's to dinner in Cafe Lupe, plus another lunch in Dencio's before heading back to Manila -- everything was just perfect! Oh well, just want to share some of the photos. More to come as soon as I get copies from their digital cameras. :)

Weekend Rant and Rave

I've been busy as hell for the past couple of weeks... and as much as I would like to slow down even for a bit, I've decided that I'll continue to strive until auditing, calibrating, coaching, training and scheduling have all become second nature to me.

I've recently taken some sort of leap of fate. Sometimes, when I wake up in the morning all tired and still groggy, I ask myself -- "Why the hell did I choose this?!" Yesterday, when I realized a major mistake that I have made, which was brought about by the fact that I was never good with math, I nearly fainted in front of my peers and again, I asked myself, "What the fuck am I doing here?!" When I forget things or do something awfully silly, I can't help but wonder, "What made me think that I can do this?"

Again, contrary to popular belief, I am not as confident as I seem. A lot of times, I don't even know what I'm capable of doing and I'm often doubtful of what strengths and talents I possess but I'm also certain about the things I cannot do or the challenges I can never handle. It is because of those people who believe in me that I survive... My Mom, my Dad, my wife, my friends and most recently, my peers at work. I hope someday they'll know hot grateful I am for all the support that they've been giving me, for all the help and the guidance that they never fail to offer. Not once have I planned to give them something, a token of sorts to show my appreciation but of course, I would never want to appear like I'm kissing ass or something -- as you know, that's never my style. Well, I guess I'll just wait until the holidays or something -- but that is, IF I ever survive until the holidays! Hahahaha!

On my promotion

Originally posted on my Friendster blog on march 17, 2007

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New faces,
different names,
yet a very familiar feeling.
New relationships to build,
different personalities,
they're my family nonetheless.
New tasks and challenges,
on an entirely different scenario.
This is homecoming for me.

Bad news for me, good news for my Friendster blog

Originally posted on my Friendster blog on March 17, 200

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My blogspot blog (that doesn't sound right) is currently out of commission as it was suspected of spamming or something like that. It really sucks because now is the only time I have to finally write something. Luckily, I still have my Friendster blog so here I am! :)

My life has been a bit weird the past couple of weeks. I recently got promoted, which was a great thing because I seriously miss being a Quality Assurance Analyst, but it is scary because I'm starting over again and being a firm believer that every account and every team is different, I know I have to adapt my style to this new gig but as I've learned, old habits do die hard! I'm not fast a learner as I think I am so oftentimes, I get really frustrated with myself for not getting things right and for being über-forgetful! It really sucks and it's fucking embarrassing!!! Plus, the fact that my beloved wife is currently on the night shift isn't helping. Imagine, she has a job that she swears off, while I am back to being a newbie... Needless to say, life is not exactly peachy for us. I don't mean to be corny or anything (ok, this is a bit corny) but I'm really glad that we have each other! Times like these, it's nice to know that you have someone to bitch with and well, bitch at! Hahahaha!

And... as if that wasn't enough, something strange happened to me recently. Someone dear to me, who has gone MIA from our lives for like 6mos now tried to make contact. Of course, I didn't reply because, why should I? Obviously, she's still clueless as to why we're even here in the first place. I don't need people like that in my life. I mean, I do care for her, I miss her and I love her (she's virtually my sister for cyring out loud!) but hello?! Stupid as I was, I do get tired too, you know. Emotionally, I think I've given enough for the past 10 years that we've known each other and it's hard to admit that someone you truly care about isn't willing to take any responsibility in her life. Most of all, I've always hated liars. Being someone who doesn't make a good liar, it feels so fucking wrong to have someone important in my life to lie to my face and pretend nothing happened. It just hurts like hell! I mean, what the fuck do you want from me?! You leave, you screw up, you come back. You leave, you screw up, you come back. The cycle goes on and on and on and on... It never ends! I've been very under-fucking-standing in the past, accepting that maybe that's just the way you really are, but to lie to my face -- I ain't gonna take more from you, honey. It's emotional abuse. Oh, and what I hate the most is the pseudo-asking-for-forgiveness-i-don't-deserve-y'all drama. I mean, if you've figured that something is über-wrong about you, do something about it! And I don't mean simply saying "I'm sorry, this is just the way I am." Try changing for once! Spare everyone from all your fucking crap! I mean, seriously, you gotta me ice queen to remain unaffected by this person. It's so fucking draining just being around her. She's a handful. Trust me, she truly is.

But hey, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that I would never ever let her back into our lives, mine specifically... but I guess, not now. I'm just not ready. Strange as it may sound, but I need a sign. I need to be sure that this time, she's not coming back to us just because it has always been that way (meaning, she remembers us when things are going über-shitty in her life or when things finally turned sour with her current object-of-obsession). I need to know that she understands what's going on -- truly understands. I need to see that she has at least taken the first step to taking responsibility and owning up to all the things you do, no matter how fucked-up they are. Bottomline, I need to see that she grew up. She may be über-smart with impeccable English and whatever title at the end of her name, but hey, she's the most immature person I know and she doesn't make a lot of smart choices. Last time we were with her, oh my gawd! She had a lot of growing up to do and I'm hoping that since then, she has realized that it's high time for her to grow up. So there... that's all the bitching I have to do. Hahahaha! =)

Whatever happened to January (Part 2)

Nope, you didn't miss a post. You would never see the first part of this entry as it was written a couple of weeks back and my fucking browser crashed before I was able to save or publish it. And no, I don't think I can ever re-write that entry. Too bad... it had a lot of good stuff.

So what happened to my January? Now even I can't remember! Darn it! I remember the earthquake in Taiwan, causing us to have really slow internet connection, lots of early-mornings in the office because of my girlfriend's überearly schedules, several email trails among my best friends and lots of bullshit at work.

My February, I should say was a bit better -- more colorful and action-packed. Still had a lot of early-mornings in the office because of my girlfriend's shitty schedule, over a week of no internet connection because of evil people stealing cables, and several email trails not only with my best friends but with new virtual semi-friend. Oh and of course, let's not forget all the bullshit at work. I remember a couple of family dinners when my girlfriend's aunt visited from the U.S. And yeah, I've recently applied for a certain position at work and my tummy's getting all fuzzy with the suspense as I still don't know if I got it or not! If I do get it, my girlfriend and I will be watching not one, not two, but three movies in one major date day and will be eating a bucket of chicken from KFC. Yum yum! But if I don't get the job, I'm so getting my hair done... I'm thinking of having some color -- maybe red or blue... Not really sure about the color yet, but definitely something I've never done before.

So there, that's it for now. I feel bad that I haven't written anything for my blog for almost two months! I hope my blog doesn't feel abandoned or anything... Oh well, I hope I can write more entries in the next few days! Keeping my fingers crossed! =)

Wombat's Art

Jay-R, who everyone fondly calls Wombat, is a batchmate of mine in the Australian account I currently work for. He's goofy, loud, friendly and very talented. Recently, I was able to have a chat with him. I noticed that he was drawing this amazing picture on the left while taking calls. I was just flabbergasted! I mean, when I take calls, I also doodle a lot... tally marks, flowers, my name, cartoon faces... but nothing like this. I told him how amazing his drawing is and that not everyone has this kind of talent and he said, "That's exactly what I told my mother. Unfortunately, she didn't allow me to take Fine Arts in college."

I felt bad about that. I mean, drawing is a skill that for me is more natural than acquired. Yes, you can hone it by taking formal classes but nothing beats being born with it, just like my good friend, Herb who has been creating fantastic sketches since we were in grade school! Just check out her Pencilpox website and be amazed by all her creations. Fortunately for her, she also had the chance to really do what she loves doing best apart from just being gifted. She studied Fine Arts and now, she has all the wonderful opportunities, travelling here and there, sharing her skills and talents while mingling with other creative minds.

Though I believe that in life, we do make our own paths, I can't help but wonder... If early on in our life, we are somehow led to a certain path by the people who had control over us, wouldn't it be inevitable for us to take it as our first option and make it our own path? If his mother let Wombat follow his dreams, where could he be now? I doubt he'd be taking calls beside me! I only hope that it isn't too late for him to make his path as an artist. He's got talent -- and in my humble opinion, it'll be a real shame if he can't share it to the world the way Herb is able to share hers.

The Sound of My Silence

I've been losing my voice a lot lately, it's pathetic. Pathetic because I'm a call center agent for crying out loud! Being voiceless in this industry is like having a broken TV as an ornament around the house -- it's there but it's not doing what it's supposed to do, it's just so stupid. It's bad enough that I have to once again spend heaps of money on new meds but to further ruin my far-from-perfect stats, it's just -- arrrgggh!!!

Last Wednesday, my right nostril lost its virginity to the ENT doctor when he checked on everything that needs to be checked. After three endoscopies by three different doctors -- all of which were just through my mouth, no one has really given me any information that would explain the recurrence of my voice suddenly getting hoarse, which eventually leads to voicelessness. It's always laryngitis or some sort of allergy but nothing about nodules of sorts.

My last consultation was a way different experience because I learned a lot of new things about the anatomy of my tonsils, adenoids, etc. I learned that just because I don't have goo dripping out of my nose, doesn't mean I don't have colds. In addition, I apparently have really large tonsils. The doctor wondered if this was the first time I've been told that I have really large tonsils. I said I'm not sure because doctors would normally tell me I have enlarged tonsils because that's pretty much what the problem is at the time -- sheesh, confusing. As it turned out, it may even have something to do with my snoring, which my partner swears to have increased in decibels lately. Imagine my pathetic tonsils flapping as I unknowingly struggle to breathe during my sleep... well, that's just me visualizing it, nothing the doctor said or anything. So there, I have a new drug to add to my ever-expanding list of daily vitamins. It's an antibiotic this time. In fairness, it wasn't as expensive as I expected.

Oh and yeah, I do have a nodule on my vocal cord. Which then warrants a few more days of ABSOLUTE VOICE REST. And yes, the keyword is absolute, which is really difficult and thus brings me to the point of this post...

I've been realizing a lot of stuff since I've been having these brief periods of absolute voice rest. It's weird, it's like you're meditating in the middle of chaos... like you're withdrawn or something as everybody else gets on with their lives. On the way home from the doctor, I spent an awful lot of time stressing about my tonsils. If things don't get smaller by next week, the doctor might have to consider tonsillectomy, which would obviously require a lot of rest days post-op. I just feel that now is not the best time for such hassles. I do intend to improve my stats and work towards better things. I am tired of taking calls and I do miss being a QA. For some reason, the sound of my silence made my ambitious, driven voice to stand out. For so long, I've been feeling like an under-acheiver, enjoying scenes from the backseat as everyone else drives. But now, I've finally made the decision to actually set goals and intend to achieve them. It's a bit unusual for me to feel this way because opportunities pretty much come my way and all I had to do was grab them. It's very rare that I plan and prepare in case an opportunity comes along. I'm glad that I'm hearing this voice now.

Another thing that I'm glad to hear is the sound of new company. Since I got sick, I've been doing some offline functions together with my other sickly colleagues. It's nice to be with a new set of people, to know more about them and to learn new things from them.

Lastly, it feels great to hear your heart's truest desires... the ones no amount of wealth can afford. In my silence, my heart screamed for the love of my life -- for she's the only one who can comfort me and can take my pains away; In my silence, I was able to hear the childish laughter within me that enjoys the company of my Mommy and Daddy as I am their one and only little girl or when I'm big sister to my cuddly feline siblings; And in my silence, I was able to once again hear the familiar chatter only the best of friends could share, knowing where we last left off, no matter how long it has been.

Now is not the best time for hassles like these... which is a really funny thing to say because I've never had so much fun in my life for a long time until these hassles happened... Maybe, now is the best time...