Nobody Cares What I Think

I would’ve bitched my ass off in this blog and no one would’ve noticed.  I would’ve threatened to commit a criminal act and no one would’ve cared.  No one can be bothered by my shit.

I can’t stand this.  Everything is white noise.  I just stopped caring.

It’s always show time for me.  The curtains never fall; I never get to take a bow.  Crap.

Of all the people I know who claims they are happy, I wonder how many of them is actually telling the truth.  Some people have a lot of things going for them and yet they can never be satisfied.  Then there are those people who would give their all for any semblance of happiness but all they get is shit.  And let us not forget people like me – the uncertain, the blind, those who couldn’t care less. 

I want to disappear.  I used to think I was happy.  Well, I was, until I saw the truth.  It’s the truth I couldn’t bear.  As much as I couldn’t stand it, I’m not ready to let go of the lies.  The signs have always been there; I just ignored them all.  I tried to cope.  I even developed an understanding for people’s addiction.  I have my own.  I changed.  Shit, I was such a fucking sell out.  I’m turning into them.  Disgusting.

I’m just grateful that I have someone – my own personal shrink.  I just wish she can also give me drugs.  Hahaha.  A virtual laugh – even that was fake.  How frustrating.

This is all too weird for me.  I sincerely thought I have found a sense of stability.  Turns out, I don’t know myself too well.  What a surprise.  I mean, does anybody?  Well, people tend to assume they do… assume or pretend, I’m not sure.  Either way, they would eventually sabotage themselves.  Classic.  Not only am I a sell out, I’m become stereotypical.

In the meantime, just smile.  It apparently helps stop the gag reflex.