Normal

Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for – in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.
                                                              – Ellen Lee DeGeneres

Normal.  For some people, normal may not be as bad as how my beloved Ellen described it, but who are we kidding?  This is pretty much what’s normal for most normal people.

Almost six months ago, I decided that I don’t want to have a normal life anymore – so I resigned from the relatively high-paying job that I had for over three years without any clear plans whatsoever of what’ll I do after.  Well actually, I did have a back-up plan then until the people in my supposed “next job” screwed me.  From there, I started living a destitute life – nearly neck deep in debt with no disposable income to speak of.  In fact, I barely make enough money to cover my regular monthly expenses.

From being a Quality Assurance Analyst, I have become a freelance web content writer.  Weird… I’ve always wanted to write for a living.  When I was in Customer Service, I said over and over that I’d be the happiest person in the world if I can just be a writer by profession.  But now that I am one, I’m having a hard time being happy… I can’t seem to fully enjoy my new-found freedom because of all the other things I lost in the process of being what I’ve always wanted to become.  Sometimes, I want to ask myself if I regret ever leaving but I guess my proud self won’t admit it.  It’s either she’s so in denial, or my writer self is oh-so trying to state her case, convincing my destitute self that it shouldn’t be about money and that everything will be alright – eventually.  With all my “selves” trying to sort out their feelings, rationalizing what’s happening and what will happen next, I am then left with, well, one confused self…  Go figure.

Oh well, at the end of the day, I think I’m still more thankful that I have left “the normal life” behind to pursue that one thing I’ve always wanted to become.  Had I not taken the risk, to this day, I might still be asking myself “what if?” and “what could’ve been?”  At least I know now and wouldn’t have to ask.  (Unless I go entirely crazy and start asking myself the “what if?” and that “what could’ve been?” had I not left!)  I guess I just have to make the most out of what I have now… Just write whatever I can, do everything I can to better my craft, hope for the best, and create my own version of a normal life – |BadGirl`JeL| style.

And now, inspired by my beloved Ellen’s quote, comes Jelaineism #7:

Reality is leaving that stressful and shitty job you used to have, which provides you the lifestyle you now cannot afford and thus, miss – making you feel all stressed and shitty.  Once it sets in, you realize… Reality does bite – hard and in the ass.
                                                                – Jelaine Macaraeg