About me

I've been having a hard time talking about myself lately, that's why I haven't been able to post anything new in my blog. I mean, there are some stuff going on with me but I oftentimes think they're nothing really important or interesting anyway so there's no sense in talking or writing about them.

But today, I do feel like venting so here's a bit of random thoughts from yours truly:

* I don't care if certain people read my fucking blog. After all, that's precisely the reason why I blog. I sometimes feel I have something to say that are worth sharing to the rest of the world... well, at least the world wide web -- so it doesn't bother me if people find out how happy, unhappy, stressed, or messed up I am. Seriously, what's the big deal?! Will it be so bad to find out that I am actually a breathing human being capable of feeling all sorts of emotions?! "Oh my God! She's actually alive! And all along, I thought it was just a robot writing all those blog entries!"

* Some sad facts of life I recently learned -- Jelaineism #45: Expect incompetence from people so they may surprise you. Expecting excellence is tantamount to setting yourself up for disappointment. I experienced it first-hand, my partner had her share of the experience as well... so just keep your fingers crossed and wish hard that it doesn't happen to you.

* I've been thinking... where do I go from here? What exactly do I want to do in life or with my life? What the fuck am I waiting for? I feel like I'm always waiting for something, but what it is exactly, I seriously don't have a clue. I oftentimes find myself being a spectator in other people's lives... like I just watch as things happen to them and it comes as such a huge surprise if something actually happens in my life. And even weirder is that I can't seem to snap out of it in spite of being aware of it! I mean, what's that about?! Normal people would you know, realize something's wrong and actually do something about it or at least try. But in my case, it's like -- "Oh, so that's how I am..." and that's it! Seriously, I think I need some sort of professional help with this issue...

* I've recently discovered that contrary to what most people think of me, I actually have some insecurity issues... I sometimes feel unworthy of the amazing things that come my way, I don't handle rejection very well and believe it or not, there are some situations wherein I'm surprisingly shy! I know, that's really weird... but I don't know, must be the universe's way of providing some sort of balance in my life! Hehehe!

* On a positive note, I recently realized that no matter how bad a change may seem, change is always refreshing in some way. I recently decided to finally disconnect with someone important in my life. I'm not sure if this disconnection is for good this time (well, I hope not) but I'm a bit surprised that I'm actually fine. And that I seem to have grown in welcoming this change. Like, I've become a better friend -- even to myself and I've become more tolerant of other people's choices. Of course, I still don't agree but I've come to accept that this is how it's going to be from now on. It's weird... it's one hell of a roller coaster ride, but it's nice...