Feeling bad

I'm in a rut right now. Something tells me that a lot of major changes are coming my way. Change is fine... but I'm not really sure if I'm ready enough for them. Times like these, I feel awful being all grown-up and wish that I'm a kid again. ***Sigh***

P.S.
I wish my Ate May is here right now... ='(

Thinking

I'm back in my house and still alone. My wife is in Laguna for a swimming thing with her family. I just got back from my parents' house, where I'm supposed to stay until tomorrow afternoon but my wife wasn't able to return the gazillion VCDs we rented at Video City and the penalty would've cost me a new VCD if I wait til I get home tomorrow.

Well, it's almost 2AM so that makes it Sunday already. Whatever... I got everything screwed up as usual... with the time, I mean.

Now, I have a question... how driven are you? Sometimes, I find myself dreaming a lot... dreaming of really big stuff... but then again, it kinda takes me forever to actually get off my ass to actually get anything done. I guess I'm just a professional dreamer... 'cause that's all I'm good at.

A friend once told me that there was this seminar of some sort that she went to about procrastination. The speaker said that a lot of people procrastinate to avoid failure and to have an excuse in case of a failure. This is apparently most true for those who tend to be perfectionists, or simply finds it difficult to accept failure.

I guess it's very true for me. I mean, why set yourself up for disappointment?! Maybe that's the reason why I never got around to start a story... because i'm afraid not to finish it. Or why I never really tried going to school for an MA... because I'm afraid to fail. Oh well... I'm so pathetic.

Someday, I hope to gain more confidence... Someday, I wish to be a dreamer and a doer as well... Someday...

PISSED TO THE 6600th POWER

I’m sooooooo pissed right now. Last year, my girlfriend applied for a Globe post-paid line, leaving us with an extra pre-paid SIM, which I decided to swap for an AMP SIM. It was then that I discovered that my phone, a N6600 unit – at least it’s lock code – doesn’t work anymore. I swear, I’ve used the most sensible, no-brainer codes I would’ve used but nothing seems to work. The same thing happened with me with an older phone, a N5110i, when the security code stopped working but when we had it unlocked, it revealed the exact same security code we were trying to use. With the N6600, I needed the effing lock code to unlock the feature called “Lock when SIM card changed.” To date, it only recognizes the two SIM cards I’ve been using.

Late last year, my Dad also got another Globe post-paid line, leaving us with an extra post-paid line of a lower plan. Considering that I (both lines are under my name) received a rebate of Php10K for one whole year, and buying pre-paid has become such a hassle, not to mention expensive for me, I decided to keep the older line and maybe downgrade it to an even lower plan by next year. However, because of the issue with the effing lock code, I’m so stuck. Globe even tried to help me already but we found ourselves in major catch 22 – resetting the phone will restore factory settings, but to reset the effing phone, I would need the effing lock code!

So there – I’m stuck and apparently, my phone needs a software upgrade. I then went to the nearest Semicon location in my area, but since they would have to send it to their main office, I would have to leave my phone with them for 3 to 5 days. That won’t work for me, so they referred me to their Megamall branch, where I can apparently wait for my unit. One weekday after work, I then went to Megamall to have my effing phone fixed – but alas! Since it’s already 5PM, I would also have to leave my phone and get it the next day since they need 2-3hrs to fix it – still doesn’t work for me. Also, I was advised that both the phone and the memory card needed to be upgraded so I would have to back them up both. Since no one told me about this, I backed up my phone by storing everything on my memory card. That’s just peachy.

I decided to wait ‘till weekend then. But hey, I’ve got other plans… plus, I got really sick (still sick now, actually) so I was only able to bring my phone to Semicon Megamall yesterday. Prepared – meaning, backed up both phone and memory card, already in Megamall when they opened at 10AM – I was hopeful that everything will be fixed yesterday. After 3hrs, I went back for my phone. The unit itself has been successfully upgraded but they have issues with my memory card. Apparently, it’s locked. I can’t figure out the effing password at that time so they referred me to the mobile shops in Cyberzone, where they can apparently unlock and reformat my memory card. When I got there though, they can’t do it either… I might need to leave my memory card for a day – nah, wouldn’t do that. After a few minutes and a flight down the escalator, I miraculously unlocked my memory card and went back to the shop to have it reformatted. After 5mins and a hundred and fifty bucks, it was done and I was just so eager to finish my remaining errands so I can go home in time for American Idol and restore everything in my phone using the Nokia PC Suite.

As of press time, which is 3AM, I’ve been sitting here in front of my effing PC for 3hrs now and guess what, I can’t get my effing phone connected to the suite. I was able to pair the phone with the PC but that’s it. Ironically, the Help feature of the PC Suite wasn’t able to help me at all. I figured I have to do my own troubleshooting. I’ve even uninstalled and reinstalled the effing PC suite on my PC, but still, nada.

Since I’m able to pair the two Bluetooth devices, I figured that connection is not the problem. But just to make sure, I decided to send a picture from my phone to the PC and vise versa. Guess what – everytime I try doing the first one, my phone hangs! Nothing seems to happen when I try doing the second one. So again, I’m stuck… and pissed… rrrrreeeeaaaaallllyyyy pissed. I mean, my phone’s problem now is far worse than what the problem was in the beginning!!! GRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

If I’m not able to resolve this today, I don’t know what else I’ll do if it means another trip to Megamall and another 500 bucks!!!

Diary of a Bad Girl

How forgiving are you?

Once upon a time, there was a pathetic bitch who lied about who she really is and where she came from. She invented all those horrible stories wherein she's always the victim and everyone else are bad people who wanted to hurt her. One day, she left. But in spite of her absence, she went on spinning stories to create chaos and endanger the people she once loved and once called her "friend."

One day, everyone learned of her secret. Everyone found out about her nasty lies and discovered the truth. But by then, she was gone...

Several years later, here I am, still hating her. I have longed vow to hunt her down and make her pay for the lies and deception -- but how? Or better yet, why? What for? Everybody else seem to have forgotten and went on with their lives... everyone except for me.

Where will I go from here?

How forgiving am I?

Of Beginnings and Endings

I recently wrote an article/open letter of the same title in relation to my resignation, which officially starts tomorrow.

|BadGirl`JeL| is QA Jelaine no more. As always, I'm in another roller coaster ride of emotions.

March 2nd, one of my favorite teachers and our department head in college passed away. It was only then that I was finally able to define my feelings. As I suspected, I don't know how to handle grief over death. I was so stressed out that entire week, getting those nasty pains in my tummy like when I have gastritis and was especially stressed out on the day I planned to go to her wake. I wasn't able to go due to some conflict in skeds, but I don't know... somehow, I felt relieved and decided to grieve on my own at home.

This week, I felt both happy and sad about my resignation. Happy because it's my last week, but sad because it's sinking in that I'm leaving my friends in the office. To make matters worse, I got sick with my usual allergy/asthma when the weather changes so I wasn't able to come in for three days and missed my friends' wedding! =(

And of course, I feel nervous knowing that I'll be starting on my new job in a couple of weeks max. Wow! A new job. I still can't believe I have one. I thought I'd be forever stuck in the cube -- not that it's a totally bad thing. It's just that I know there's something better out there, for me.

So there. Here I am. Trying so hard to get ready for another roller coaster ride... wherever it'll take me this time. Wish me luck!