Originally posted on my Friendster blog on March 17, 200
******************************************
My blogspot blog (that doesn't sound right) is currently out of commission as it was suspected of spamming or something like that. It really sucks because now is the only time I have to finally write something. Luckily, I still have my Friendster blog so here I am! :)
My life has been a bit weird the past couple of weeks. I recently got promoted, which was a great thing because I seriously miss being a Quality Assurance Analyst, but it is scary because I'm starting over again and being a firm believer that every account and every team is different, I know I have to adapt my style to this new gig but as I've learned, old habits do die hard! I'm not fast a learner as I think I am so oftentimes, I get really frustrated with myself for not getting things right and for being über-forgetful! It really sucks and it's fucking embarrassing!!! Plus, the fact that my beloved wife is currently on the night shift isn't helping. Imagine, she has a job that she swears off, while I am back to being a newbie... Needless to say, life is not exactly peachy for us. I don't mean to be corny or anything (ok, this is a bit corny) but I'm really glad that we have each other! Times like these, it's nice to know that you have someone to bitch with and well, bitch at! Hahahaha!
And... as if that wasn't enough, something strange happened to me recently. Someone dear to me, who has gone MIA from our lives for like 6mos now tried to make contact. Of course, I didn't reply because, why should I? Obviously, she's still clueless as to why we're even here in the first place. I don't need people like that in my life. I mean, I do care for her, I miss her and I love her (she's virtually my sister for cyring out loud!) but hello?! Stupid as I was, I do get tired too, you know. Emotionally, I think I've given enough for the past 10 years that we've known each other and it's hard to admit that someone you truly care about isn't willing to take any responsibility in her life. Most of all, I've always hated liars. Being someone who doesn't make a good liar, it feels so fucking wrong to have someone important in my life to lie to my face and pretend nothing happened. It just hurts like hell! I mean, what the fuck do you want from me?! You leave, you screw up, you come back. You leave, you screw up, you come back. The cycle goes on and on and on and on... It never ends! I've been very under-fucking-standing in the past, accepting that maybe that's just the way you really are, but to lie to my face -- I ain't gonna take more from you, honey. It's emotional abuse. Oh, and what I hate the most is the pseudo-asking-for-forgiveness-i-don't-deserve-y'all drama. I mean, if you've figured that something is über-wrong about you, do something about it! And I don't mean simply saying "I'm sorry, this is just the way I am." Try changing for once! Spare everyone from all your fucking crap! I mean, seriously, you gotta me ice queen to remain unaffected by this person. It's so fucking draining just being around her. She's a handful. Trust me, she truly is.
But hey, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that I would never ever let her back into our lives, mine specifically... but I guess, not now. I'm just not ready. Strange as it may sound, but I need a sign. I need to be sure that this time, she's not coming back to us just because it has always been that way (meaning, she remembers us when things are going über-shitty in her life or when things finally turned sour with her current object-of-obsession). I need to know that she understands what's going on -- truly understands. I need to see that she has at least taken the first step to taking responsibility and owning up to all the things you do, no matter how fucked-up they are. Bottomline, I need to see that she grew up. She may be über-smart with impeccable English and whatever title at the end of her name, but hey, she's the most immature person I know and she doesn't make a lot of smart choices. Last time we were with her, oh my gawd! She had a lot of growing up to do and I'm hoping that since then, she has realized that it's high time for her to grow up. So there... that's all the bitching I have to do. Hahahaha! =)
Posts
