Saturday, July 31, 2004
in pain
i know that being loved is something that you feel... something that you just know without even having to say word. yet there are times when you long to hear those words tp confirm that it is indeed a reality and not something that you wish to be true.
it hurts to know that you're holding on to a relationship that is optional... something that the other person can live with or without... and its insanely painful to know that that person is the one you even call the love of you life.
for my 24th birthday, i made a vow to myself that i'll do everything i can to make myself a better person. is god giving me a sign that letting go IS part of making myself a better person? but how can i go on improving myself if the one thing and the one person that means the world to me is not even there? how i can i ever go on with my life if all i have is my pain and all i ever feel is bitterness?
Sunday, July 25, 2004
SCREW YOU, MS. FRIGID BITCH!
the person i hate the most is ms. frigid bitch. she's a major control freak who wants people to do things her way. she's a neat freak and expects others to be as well -- what a bully!
she's a major party pooper. when she's around, you should always "take care of yourself" and be "proper." she's like a mom who scolds her toddler for being too noisy or rowdy and for using cuss words in public places.
she's dense -- so dense, it's almost her superpower. she keeps on rattling about things you don't give a shit about, and tells you to shut up when it's your turn to blow-off steam. she doesn't give a fart about the things that are important to you -- she doesn't even sense how passionate you are about them. sometimes, you think she's listening, but hell, she's not! i doubt if she's ever capable of listening. oh yeah, she said she is... as long as you talk about "important" things. but of course, that's something that she decides.
she's so self-conscious, always thinking of what others say about her -- it's sickening. she's always analyzing how she should do or say what so as not to offend anyone. boohoo!!!
she always calls the shots. when you get into a fight with her, she decides whose fault it is and when you could kiss and make up. no matter how much you reach out and apologize (although the fight isn't necessarily your fault), if she's still mad, get lost! cry your sorry ass off, she doesn't care! if you're lucky and she admits to be at fault, she doesn't care if you're still mad at her. she'll do her usual "dog tricks" (no pun intended) to get you laughing... and voila! you're okay again.
no matter how fed up you are with her... don't even dare break up with her especially if you're not sure you mean it. she would never take you back.. yeah... that's how she operates. she's so used to being a dumper that she can turn things around as a dumpee with that "it's your loss, not mine" cliche crap. not having you around may be killing her, but being an egoistic bitch and all, she'll never admit it. in the event that you come crawling back and you were blessed anough to be accepted, she doesn't say it to your face but she challenges you if you can take the heat again. if eventually you come whining and complaining about her misbehaving again or whatever, she'll remind you about that fateful day you came crawling back, like it's your fault that you put yourself i this situation in the first place.
she has a way of making things always YOUR fault. it's either you did it or you allowed it to happen or you opened yourself to it or whatever -- in any case, you're responsible and you don't have any right to complain. oh yeah, she also decides whether what you're feeling is valid or not. if it's deemed invalid, you have to apologize for it.
ms. frigid bitch is a hopeless case. she'll never change. you can delude yourself that she's starting to be a little nicer, being a little less of the jerk she naturally is, but eventually you realize it's just your imagination playing a trick on you. she's just hopeless... i swear, she'll never change... not in this lifetime...
Saturday, July 24, 2004
today is a good day... well, at least better than yesterday!
to start off, i had a good day sleep. i woke up with a smile at the sight of the love of my life. we went on a dinner date where i ate steak, which was oh-so yummy. i bought cafe americano at starbucks... grande... enough to keep me up until what? tomorrow night's shift?! hehehe! i saw several pairs of shoes that im oh-so dying to buy (unless i die first before i can afford to buy any one of them) and to think i was never a shoe person (im more of a bag person). i saw someone from high school and was i glad to see her! she has grown prettier than she already is (can't believe that was even posible, but she did!) and i appreciate how she remained bubbly and friendly after all these years. (she actually stopped for a little chit-chat while some people, including yours truly, can only offer a simple hi-hello.) i am in the company of good friends here in the office... (god i love these people!) making it a lot easier to survive another typically stressful work day like this one.
oh well, having said that, i guess im ready to start working. :) later!
Friday, July 23, 2004
A Roller-Coaster Ride August
I have waaayyyy so much stuff going on in my life right now that I'm seriously having mixed emotions about the coming month. As far as the regularization is concerned, I'm torn between hoping to get it as much as I don't really care 'cause I'm starting to get tired of it anyway and have been (seriously) thinking of resigning since June. Coupled with the stress and health problems that comes with the heavy workload, leaving does seem to be a brighter option for me at this point. Oh well, at least I have the phone to be happy about....
(There I go again... thinking like a 5-year old with her new toy. Well, I guess that's what you call "coping mechanism.")
Life's Mysteries from a Bad Girl's Perspective
Why are there bitches who enjoy getting on a free ride, risking being called a certified slut, while at the same time take pleasure on kissing people's asses in order to be liked?
Why do attention-hungry, social-climbing, power-trippers get big breaks when equally domineering corporate sluts with well, more experience and better diction end up being their subordinates?
How do closet queens survive inside their closets until their 30's?
Why are there air heads in the world?
Why are some people so good at being annoying that it's almost their special talent?
Why are day jobs a lot less financially rewarding than shifting jobs?
What am doing here in the office at 1:42AM??? I so wanna go home... ppft...
TRIVIA: What's the longest word?
It's a 45-letter word meaning "a lung disease caused by the inhalation of fine silica fibers."
I'm sooooooooooooo geeky.
S-T-R-E-S-S
i'll be turning 24 in what... less than a month? and frankly, i still don't get this grown-up groove. though i've long accepted this new life as an independent, self-supporting, almost-married, relatively-young urban
professional, i can't help but sometimes wish that i'm in never never land with no responsibilities whatsoever.
oh well, that's all the time i have for today to bitch about life... gotta start working!!!
